My Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy Story

Wow, it has been quite a while since I've posted here and boy have there been many a topic I wish I had covered. What sticks out most in my mind for what qualifies most for a 'Mommy Blog' is my recent experience in trying to expand my family.


My Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy Story


March of last year my husband and I were not trying to expand our family. In fact, having another baby was the furthest thing on our minds. We had just purchased a new house and were over our heads with remodeling projects, unpacking boxes and my new job as a real estate agent. We were exhausted and caring for a rambunctious 2 year old at this time was enough for us to decide putting off having another for some time.


And then I woke up one morning and had the feeling I needed to take a test, so take a test I did. Positive. Big. Fat. Positive.

I was a nervous wreck. Mostly nervous to tell my husband. So nervous, in fact, that I did not tell him I was pregnant until I woke up Easter Morning and discovered I was having a miscarriage. There was a very awkward and very short discussion had, and it was never spoken about again.

Seeing as I am a typical hormonal woman, the unexpected slight excitement of expecting another baby that I felt for the week and a half that I was pregnant was enough to jump start my deep longing to actively start trying to have another baby. My husband, however, was not having it. He wanted to wait another year. Sigh.

Then, one random night in July we discussed trying. My husband decided he wanted to 'just see what happens'. To him that meant sometimes using protection and others throwing all caution to the wind. To me it meant baby time! My husband went back and forth on this 'see what happens' attitude and yanked my hopes around like a yo-yo until October.


October 22nd I found out I was pregnant again. I was nervous to tell my husband again, but as we both knew it was bound to happen even if you only occasionally 'see what happens'. He was actually pretty excited and even went to far as to asking to be a part of telling my family and we made plans to surprise everyone over Thanksgiving.

 

By Halloween morning the miscarriage was in full blow and confirmed by my doctor a couple days later. It was of no concern for my Doctor, so I put on a brave face and swallowed my anger in hearing the typical cliches regarding miscarriage like, 'these things happen' and 'it just wasn't meant to be'. I also became a bit angry toward my husband and remember commenting bitterly one night that it looks like he'll be getting his original wish that we wouldn't have another for a year.


Christmas morning I woke up and took a test. Positive! 

I felt better about this pregnancy than the last two. I felt like my bad luck was over and my body was now ready and able to grant me healthy baby. But, just to be on the safe side I found an OB/GYN closer to my home, called and informed them I had two miscarriages in the months prior and asked if I could come in early. They graciously sent me in for blood work to check my levels. The first et of levels seemed like they *could be* okay. Numbers were a little low, but still within range! I felt on top of the world. 48 hours later my world began to crumble.


At 14 Days Past Ovulation my HCG levels were at 102.

At 16 Days Past Ovulation my HCG levels were at 139.

It should have doubled..

At 20 Days Past Ovulation my HCG levels were at 349.

It should have tripled.


The next day I went in for an ultrasound.

The nurse did not find a baby. I had bleeding in my left ovary, a sac of fluid that did not have the characteristics of a gestational sac and what looked to her like a polyp. But, no baby. The nurse said that because she could not see anything, but because I have pregnancy hormones in me that it could be an ectopic pregnancy and that if I felt any big pains to go to the hospital.

She told me to come back in a week for a follow up ultrasound, and after force feeding me more of those horrible cliches: 'your eggs are still young, keep trying', she let me go home. 

On my way home she received the results of my blood work and my HCG levels went from 349 to 438 in 48 hours and then said I can take methotrexate or get a d&c. Like that’s it. Like it’s a simple A or B, get it done, move on with my life. She then asked what outcome I was looking for. Dumbfounded I said, "Well I was hoping for a viable pregnancy." She responded, "Well, yeah, but this is not a live pregnancy." So I told her I’d like to keep my ultrasound appointment for a week from then and then decide. She said if I change my mind before then and ‘want to do something about it’ to just call.

I ached. I physically ached.

At my follow up ultrasound appointment one week later I had the strangest, out of body experience I've ever experienced.

The nurse performed the ultrasound and finds my left ovary is still full of blood. Kept repeating that my uterus does not look normal. There was still a giant fibroid in the middle, and some other strange growth looking things. There was still a fluid filled sac which I noticed right away. THEN she points to the tippy-top of the sac and says ‘well, look there, that circle is a yolk sac’.

Cue wide eyes from me.

That wasn't there during the last ultrasound. 

The nurse 'rush' scheduled me for a formal ultrasound at a bigger facility for the next day and lets me head home more confused than ever and with a small grain of hope that had been lost at my appointment prior. After all, my pregnancy was now seen in utero!


The night after the formal ultrasound I received a phone call from another nurse. She was cold and calloused. She told me I had to immediately go to the hospital for a shot of Methotrexate as she was leaving for the night and couldn't be bothered to stay. And that was it. So I decided not to go and waited for the nurse I had been working with to call me a couple days later. She laughed when I told her I didn't get the injection, as she knew I'd have tons of questions before deciding it was right for me.


My numbers on the 14th went from 438 on the 6th to 675. So didn’t even double over 8 days.

The blood in the left ovary is just what she thought it was: a hemorrhagic cysts, which she said was not a big deal.

I asked if they saw polyps and she said they couldn't really say until the uterus is empty and they can run some tests involving filling the uterus .

Now according to the radiologist from the formal ultrasound: 

There is no pregnancy located in the uterus, tubes or ovaries.
There is a sac of irregular fluid.
There is no gestational sac, or yolk sac , and could be representative of a residual spontaneous abortion.
My nurse commented under her breath that she knows she saw a yolk sac, so that confused her.

In the long run I was given the option to go through a D and C or get the Methotrexate injection. I was told they could treat me with the Methotrexate and I'll never conclusively know if the pregnancy was an ectopic pregnancy, or I could get the D and C and then potentially need the methotrexate anyway. I decided to take my chances, since i had been told at one point there was a gestational sac and yolk sac in utero. After a whole lot of research I decided methotrexate was not for me and I wanted to avoid it at all costs. During my feverish research I found numerous women would bleed for excessively long periods of time after the methotrexate and that there is a recommended waiting period of 3-6 months after the injection to start trying to conceive again.

Methotrexate is an anti-cancer chemotherapy drug that in smaller doses is used to treat ectopic pregnancies by depleting the body of folic acid. Folic acid is important for cell division, like a forming embryo. There are side effects associated with the injections that were off putting enough for me to make me want to use this as a last resort.


D & C scheduled for 2pm Wednesday, January 20th.


I went in that morning and was home late that evening. It was painless and the most traumatic part was being couped up in recovery watching newborns being wheeled in and out of their mothers rooms. It was painless and over faster than I could have imagined.

Unfortunately, the pathologist did not find any pregnancy tissue from the D and C (confirming the ectopic pregnancy) and the next day I was in my doctors office with my pants around my ankles receiving an injection of methotrexate in each hip. 

I was right about the side effects. The pain I felt in my hips grew increasingly more unbearable my the hour and the fatigue and nausea was so bad I told my husband if the injections didn't work I would rather have my tube removed than get any more injections. 

I wrote this in my journal two days after receiving the methotrexate: 

For my future reference, I was right about methotrexate being a bad option for me. I have been in excruciating pain in my hips, lower back, thighs, that whole area since leaving the doctors office. It’s so bad I’ve spent the last few nights in the fetal position in bed moaning and rocking back and forth. Aside from that horrible pain I’ve also had the worst acid reflux of my life. The first night I had stomach acid just chilling in the back of my throat all night, and have had awful nausea on and off since. As it turns out the antibiotics I have to take for the D and C specifically cause the side effects of methotrexate to be exaggerated. The antibiotic also says all over it that I cannot take pepcid complete, which is my go-to drug. Aside from the hip pain and the reflux and the nausea I’ve had this weird headache that isn’t so much painful as it is nauseating. I’m also not sure if my exhaustion is worse now or not as between the hormones and the stress I’ve been under for the last 4 weeks or so has been exhausting as it is. 

After numerous more blood draws the close out of the horrid event came when my doctor sent me a three line email informing me not to conceive for three months and that I was now 'cured'.

I am now on my second cycle since the D and C and Methotrexate injections and we are back to throwing all caution to the wind. (Yes, against Doctors orders.)

I have less concern over conceiving before the three months are up than I do just conceiving in general. To clarify: I have taken folic acid vitamins in excess for over 6 years now, my diet is VERY high in folic acid, and there is plenty of research to suggest Methotrexate when used for ectopic pregnancy in single does use it is out of your system in as quickly as 7-14 days. What does concern me about conceiving in general is that now that I have had numerous consecutive miscarriages the likelihood I will have another is 60%. Also, because I've had an ectopic pregnancy there is a 20% chance it will happen again. These numbers leave little room for things to actually go RIGHT. 

Sigh. I hope for the best, but have no idea what the future holds. 

The nurse has urged me to undergo a hysterosalpingogram, where they inject the uterus with dye to see if it can flow freely through the fallopian tubes. As much as I'd love the peace of mind, my bank account is still reeling from the months of blood work, ultrasounds, injections and surgeries. My arms are finally healed and no longer look like I'm covered in track marks and I finally feel like a healthy woman again. 

I love being a mom and would love to have another child and to give my son a sibling, but beyond 'seeing what happens' and 'throwing caution to the wind' at this point in time, I'm not desperately to actively try to conceive. I can usually swallow my baby-fever urges by reminding myself of the torment of the last few months and realizing the impact it had on my ability to fully care and commit to my son. 

For those of you that have been through this, my condolences, and hope you have found the strength to try again. For those that are currently going through it, I know it hurts, physically and emotionally in every way possible, but you will feel joy again somehow, someway. 

Moving Cross Country with Toddler

January 15: I officially have a move date and it's 3 weeks away.

To be fair I've been preparing for this move since Christmas and have been sorting and packing since December 26th. Of course by sorting I mean throwing away all the garbage that has accumulated since our last move 2 years ago (where does it all come from?!).

It took me a week or two to get into the swing of things and to get my now 15 month old little boy to somewhat understand what was going on with all the boxes.

Phase 1: Packing
 

Saying packing is difficult with a toddler is an understatement.

I spend most of my days looking for my markers to label boxes, my rolls of box tape and removing all the wonderful things my son has added into the boxes that are yet to be closed up.

At the suggestion of my brother in law I provided my son with a sheet of bubble wrap and the dogs are now terrified of my son. At the suggestion of my husbands Aunt I set my son up with his own box to 'pack' that he promptly turned into a fort to hide all the cookies, snacks and dog food he could sneak behind my back. My husband suggested I lock my son in the dog cage. As tempting as this sounded I eventually (after perhaps contemplating the idea for longer than I theoretically should have) decided this was not legally feasible and started brainstorming other ideas. When I accepted the fact that my son was only trying to help I reluctantly swallowed my frustrations and carried on packing as quickly and efficiently as I could.

I've learned that no matter how hard I try as soon as I turn my back something will end up in a box that shouldn't be there. I've learned that if I need another box I need to build two. I've learned that for every 3 things put into a box, 2 will promptly come back out. I've learned to move quickly, distract with toys and snacks often and to accept that this packing endeavor will take twice to ten times the amount of time it realistically should.

February 4: Phase 2: The Drive
 

My husband very sweetly called my mother last week to ask her to come out and help me make the 725 mile drive. Just 2 days from now my mom, my son, my three dogs and I will be piling into my car for what is 'mapquested' as a 10 hour drive, but has the likelihood of taking us, oh, 3 days. Secretly I'm hoping my son is so excited to have 'Gamma' around that he stays chipper for the beginning, and most stressful part, of the drive.

In preparation for the trek my husband has purchased headrest TVs for my car (although is yet to install them...), I plan on bringing an insane amount of snacks, I will be turning my sons car seat to be forward facing (for this drive only) and we will be starting the drive in the evening in hopes that he sleeps for the majority of the trek.

To say I am not excited for the long drive is obvious. Why would anyone volunteer to sit in the car driving through 3 States that appear void of any human life with 2 Weiner dogs, a 12 year old pit bull that is now wearing diapers due to her oh-so-wonderful incontinence, and a toddler that screams after an hour of being strapped in his car seat.

Ya. This should be fun.

The plan is to stick to my sons normal nighttime routine, only to perform this earlier than normal so that when we hit the road he falls asleep and stays asleep through the night. On one hand I fear that he will wake up or stay awake and cry the whole drive, and on the other hand I fear him sleeping the 10-12 hours and waking just as we arrive at our destination and is roaring to start his day while I'm ready to crawl into bed. Essentially, I see myself arriving in California just in time for a lovely sleep deprived headache to set in to ruin my first day home.

February 18: Phase 3: The Move In and Move On
 

The drive went by quick and there were no issues to report. Nathan slept almost the whole drive, as did the dogs, and my mother and I made sure to stop often and to trade off driving to give one another a bit of a break.

Since arriving back in California I have tackled the necessary insurance changes, address changes, etc, while Nathan roamed and explored his temporary new yard. He is happy as can be, but seems to really miss his Daddy.

Here's a little personal background to help make this scenario make a bit of sense: my husband is currently in the US Army, but is in the process of being medically discharged due to injuries sustained while serving. The process of being released lacks any sort of time frame or set schedule so for the time being I am living with my mother back in California until my husband can join me and we buy a place.

I expected the transition to be more difficult for my son than it really was, and to be honest I still feel like I'm on vacation. My husband was able to drive down the last two weekends to spend my birthday and then Valentine's day with us, which has been wonderful as I am missing him just as much as Nathan is.

We will be 'moving' again when my husband and I find a home out here and our household belongings arrive, but I am not worried in the slightest about the transition since my now 16 month old travel companion has proven to make such changes not just without incident, but more exciting and worthwhile.

Nathan's Letter to Santa

My name is Nathan and I am a 14 month old boy. While my parents, family members and Santa may bring me toys and clothes for Christmas there are a few things I would love to receive. Since my parents have an inability to understand my shrieks and incessant pointing I figured I'd write it all out for them. (P.S. I'm pretty sure yelling 'DAD' means 'look it's Dad', 'Change my diaper' AND 'I want a cookie'...) Without further ado, I present my Christmas wishlist:

1. I want to eat the dog's food. Mom just doesn't understand. She tells me 'No' (whatever that means) and always takes away the dogs bowls when I start munching. Why are they on the floor if I shouldn't touch it? Why can the dogs eat it and I can't? It's just not fair. 

2. I want to peel the water damage on Dad's side table. I don't know why this is so much fun, but I'm sure if Dad tried it with me instead of making me stop he would understand. 

3. I don't want to wear pants. Ever. Mom puts them on me every morning, and I have to insist they come off by lunch time for the remainder of the day. Why bother putting them on in the first place? I can get around a lot faster and it's SO much easier to take my diaper off without them! (Mom seems to let me go without pants now if I run over to my potty. She just hasn't caught on that it's just a ploy to make her take these darn pants off so I can get up and run as fast as I can!)

4. I want all the keys in the world. I can smell them on you when you walk through the door. Just give them to me and let me push the panic button on your car remote, then let me hide them in your shoes. (It's my Christmas wish- would you really deny a 14 month old his Christmas wish? I don't think so.)

5. I want to touch EVERYTHING. A few of the places and things I want to touch: electrical outlets, the dogs nose, anything Mom is trying to eat, power cords... really anything I can get my hands on. I have no fear. 

6. I want to chew on my parents cell phones. Mom says I already ruined one, and I took a good sized chunk out of Dad's Otter box case, but it feels good on my gums. Just let it happen. 

7. I want a HUGE box fort. Mom left a large box unattended the other day and I moved right in with my blanket and snack. The box has since disappeared and I want it back... and then some. 

8. Shoes. Let me explain: I want to chew on everyone's shoes, carry them around by the laces, hide things in them, and mess up all of Moms organization. I like making it hard for Dad to go to work in the morning because I've tightened his laces too much. I love chewing on the velcro on my Nikes. I just like shoes and don't want to be disturbed when I am fiddling with them.

 

9. I want the lawn mower to move when I push it. The darn thing is just too heavy. Dad can do it! Why can't I?!

10. No more car seat, I want to drive! While we're at it- Make the car a Corvette! (Okay, that one's really for Dad, but I still don't like sitting in that darn car seat!)

So, there you have it. I promise I've been a good boy this year! Who could say 'No' to this face?

Love, Nathan

10 Things I Did RIGHT as a First Time Mom

A couple days ago I wrote about my top 10 mommy confessions for my sons first year. I have decided to spin things around and also point out my top 10 things that I feel I did right. So, without further ado:

Money- I am grateful to my parents for having taught me about the inner workings of a trust, the market and interest. When my son was born my husband and I set up a savings account for him along with a trust, a trust fund and a life insurance policy. After all, what is the point of having kids if not to have someone to take care of you when you get old? And I'm pretty sure he'll need steady finances to do so, so why not get him off on a good foot? Nursing home in Hawaii, here I come! (Sarcasm... To those who are reading too far into this...)

Not afraid to be goofy in public- While at the grocery store today I came to the revelation that I am that crazy woman making strange noises to entertain her kid. Only, I tend to take it up a notch or two. A year ago I was one of those people that thought a child should be seen and not heard unless otherwise spoken to... And then I became a parent. My shopping trips have become more like going to work as a ring leader in a miniature traveling circus: My son and I make animal noises at random, race car sounds when I push the cart around corners and I've been known to shake the cart pretending there is an earthquake to get a great big belly laugh out of my little cart passenger. I'm not ashamed, and I admit to enjoying these games. As long as my son has a smile on his face the 'Quack, Quack' sounds will persist in the isles of my Target.

Bought him a great pair of shoes- I was a little overzealous with my credit card when I found out I was going to be a mommy to a little boy. He had clothes and toys galore before he was even born. By the time he started walking he owned 8 pairs of shoes. 8 pairs of glorified socks (since that's really all those soft bottom shoes are). When my son started walking, however, I knew that he would need a good pair of shoes- something that would teach him to walk correctly, give him support and wouldn't hinder him so much in the transition from learning to walk barefoot vs. with shoes on. I splurged on a pair of grey Nike's that my son LOVES. He now owns 3 pairs of shoes, of which the Nike's are the only ones he is able to run in without issue. I plan on buying a new pair soon, as he is growing so quickly, and I feel it's important that he have shoes that offer support while he is still getting the hang of this whole 'walking' thing.

Breastfeeding- One of my greatest accomplishments! I knew I wanted to breastfeed in order to give my son the best start I could and despite all my troubles that inevitably lead to needing prescription medication to help me boost my milk supply, I stuck with it. My first goal was to make it to 3 months, then 6 months, 9 months, then a year. My goal now is to wean my son OFF the breast by 2 years! I love the bonding time with my son, I love the health benefits it gives him (he's never been sick to this day!), but I'm not so sure my back or my breasts can handle much more! Not to mention I'd love to get my breast back for a bit before having to give them up to a new child.

Monthly footprints and mementos- It's amazing to me how many mother's wish they had kept up with baby books or took footprints or more photos of their kids. It's a regret I did not wish to share, so I have diligently kept up with my sons baby book where I write every milestone, or all my sons little quirks (example: March 2012- Nathan sneezes every time he gets cold), as well as taking monthly hand and footprints. The plan is to take yearly professional family photos, along with the mini photo shoots I take of my son every couple months. I'd much rather look back and say 'Geez, I took TOO many photos' than 'I wish I had more to remember those days'.

ABC's and Numbers (English AND Spanish)- There's this theory that kids are born with the ability of learning any language, and the brain cells not used for the particular language they hear daily slowly die off. Considering our regional location my husband and I have decided that our son should at least be introduced to the Spanish language while he is little. While I sing the ABC's to him mostly in English, I do on occasion sing them to him in Spanish (along with any and all songs I remember from all my years of Spanish class in school- one sure fire way to get my son to laugh hysterically is to belt out a verse or two of Cielito Lindo, as long as you leave it all out there with the 'AYE, AYE, AYE, AYE's').

Outings- I LOVE taking my son to see and experience new things. We recently completed a Run or Dye 5k, went to Boo at the Zoo for Halloween, kept up with our monthly La Leche League meetings and while on vacation to San Diego went to the Air and Space Museum to check out the Ripley's Believe It or Not exhibit. While the town I live in has very little to offer, especially with a young child, I try my best to introduce my son to new things. Aside from the 'places' we go we also spend a lot of time outdoors, whether in the desert where we go off-roading or playing in our own fabulous kid friendly backyard. I aim for at least an hour of playtime outside or somewhere new a day- my son loves to explore and I love that it wears him out!

Picking my battles- I have my bad days, and my good. I have a high energy kid that is hard to keep up with. I worry about him, but know that he needs to learn by exploring. He climbs on the furniture, he pulls the dogs ears, he throws his food and always leaves messes in his wake. If it's not life threatening, going to cause injury to himself or another, or crossing a boundary he is in full awareness of I try to let things be. I've tried correcting every little thing in a day and all it did was leave me emotionally drained, my son in a bad mood and a whole day ruined. He'll learn, but it's a slow process. Why not relax and let him enjoy being a kid for a bit?

Owning pets- I know in my 'confessions' post I mentioned that my son has a way of acquiring a handful or two of dog food a day before I am able to get it out of his reach (wait, I only admitted to one or two kibbles a day? Well, then, I'll stick to that...), but one thing I AM happy about is that my son is able to grow up learning not to fear animals. I very much dislike both extremes to this that some parents inevitably teach to their kids: either the 'fear all animals' side or the 'pets are disposable' side. I want my son to grow up loving our dogs as members of the family. I just hope eventually my son is able to distinguish the fact that he is not a dog, and stops trying to eat their food and playing in their crate.

Hugs and Kisses- I've kept journals since the age of 3. The only things legible from the first year or so are lists of the people and things I love: "I love Mommy', 'I love Daddy', 'I love my doggies', etc. I want nothing more than my son to grow up with love in his heart. (Cue the 'Awwwwe') I tell him I love him no less than a million times a day, I steal kisses (and recently started getting kisses back from my son- only he comes at me with his mouth wide open like he is going to swallow my face whole), and I hug him often. I so look forward to the day my son can say 'I love you, Mommy', but there is no doubt in my mind that he doesn't already feel my love for him.

10 Confessions from a First Time Mom

Every parent makes mistakes. It's not often that women voluntarily admit to their parenting faux pas, especially in a world where women believe the number of Pinterest type crafts and activities you accomplish with your child seemingly ranks you as a parent.

Personally I think that since my son recently turned 13 months old I must be doing something right for him to still be alive and thriving. I did however, make numerous mistakes in his first year of life. Of those, 10 stand out to me as things I would have done differently or approached in a different way if I had only had a crystal ball those 13 months ago.

1. Forgot to restock diaper bag with diapers- At my son's 4 month appointment with his pediatrician I discovered I only had one extra diaper with me. When the nurse came in to weigh him they had me strip him down. At this time I noticed he had soiled his diaper. I put a fresh diaper on him while we waited for the doctor to enter the room. In this 10 minute time span my son decided he had not finished his morning bowel movement and proceeded to destroy the only other diaper I had with us. I pretended not to notice and when his doctor did the '10 point inspection' of my son he pointed out the dirty diaper to me. I casually responded with an 'Oh, I'll change him when I am getting him re-dressed'. Thankfully the doctor finished his exam and gave us the 'see ya next time' wave. I dressed my son, leaving the nasty diaper on him and rushed home to change him. The only other time this happened to me was when I was visiting my in laws and I had to rush out to the drug store for a pack of diapers. Needless to say: I now carry diapers in the trunk of the car with a pack of wipes.

2. Dropped him- Yes. I Admit to having dropped my son. He has also fallen off my bed and tumbled down the stairs. These things happen. Now that he is a running, climbing, rambunctious toddler these things, and things similar to these, happen daily.

3. Let him sleep with me- Now this one is both an 'oops' and a deliberate choice. It was a great option when I could use the co-sleeper I had next to my bed, but since he out grew that about 6 months ago I've dealt with being kicked, pushed off the bed and left with no blankets on a nightly basis. I can successfully get him to sleep in his own crib for maybe 2 hours a night. Those are the best 2 hours of sleep EVER.

4. Clipped his finger with the nail clippers- A confession I think most mothers can relate to. Before having my son my friends had told me that they just bite their babies nails so they don't have to worry about accidentally clipping their babies fingers or toes- this grossed me out. Incidentally I also found it disgusting to think of sharing a drink or a spoon with my child, and these two things are not only the 'norm' with my son and I, but are probably some of the least disgusting things I now do as a mother. Case and point: I now have no reservations about shoving my sons stinky toes in my mouth to bite off an over grown toenail.

5. My son eats the dog's food- I feel like most kids that grow up with pets in the house try their food. I get it- my son feeds the dogs his food, so he assumes it's only fair they share theirs. The first time my son got a hold of some kibbles I freaked: I shoved my fingers in my sons mouth in order to scoop them out while simultaneously lecturing my infant son as to why he shouldn't eat that. Fast forward 7 months and my son is still fascinated with eating the dog's food. Admittedly he probably eats at least 2 kibbles a day before I am able to round up all the dog bowls in the kitchen every morning, not to mention my son has located where the food is kept and it's not exactly in a location I can feasibly keep him out of. It's not like I'm feeding it to him, but I know it also won't kill him...

6. Didn't do enough research on circumcision after care before he was born- Time for a serious moment here. I've written about the lack of information I had on the after care of my sons circumcision and the issues he has had with adhesions. Because of these issues I wish I had done more researched and asked more questions in order to benefit my son.

7. Let him destroy my cell phone- $200 later my son has 2 new pearly white teeth and I have a new phone to show for him using my cell phone as a teether. Incidentally I bought an Otterbox for my new phone... Chew on little man!

8. Boob to make everything better- As a newborn my son was dependent on my breasts for nourishment. When he was about 6 months old and began to navigate on his own he would sometimes get a boo-boo. I knew giving him some milk would comfort him and make the crying stop. Big Mistake. My son now wants to latch on when he falls, when he bumps his head, when he stumbles, when he hiccups, whenever... He knows where they're located and he WILL get them when he decides he needs comforting. He's a year old, he's unstable on his feet, he falls down a lot, thus my house has essentially turned into a 24/7 shoot for National Geographic.

9. Pawned my son off on my husband more often- It is still rare for me to be able to even bathe without my son in the room with me. I can occasionally convince my husband to entertain my son for 45 minutes while I soak in the tub, but the majority of that time my son is fussy or crying for me. My son LOVES his father, and I'm convinced it's not even ME that my son is so attached to- it's the boobs (see number 8), but all I want is an hour of 'Me Time'. If I could go back, I would have pawned my son off on my husband more often in the beginning while I disappeared for a bit so he could 'get the idea'.

10. Thought I knew it all and had it all planned out- I used to daydream about how wonderful being a mother would be- I would have a quiet, well behaved child and I would do arts and crafts all day with them, my house would be wonderfully clean and my meals all planned out and well executed. I would also silently criticize the parents of obnoxious kids in public and offer parenting tips to friends that I assumed needed advice... Man, was I delusional.

I love my son to death, and regret nothing. Sure I've made mistakes, but nothing so damaging that I feel the need to start saving for my sons inevitable therapy sessions... But hey, I have the rest of his life, and the lives of any of his potential future siblings, to screw up a few more times. I know it's just all part of learning to parent; my son is happy and I'm doing the best I can!

Growing Pains in a Toddler or Young Child

I remember the ache from growing pains in my legs that I got periodically when I was a kid. It's an irritating pain that persists no matter what you do. I can most liken it to that obnoxious feeling that you get when you hit your funny bone, just in your knees/legs and it does not dissipate after a few out loud 'Ouch-Ouch-Ouch's.

Most articles suggest that children that are prone to the aches of growing pains will feel them around 3 years of age and again between 8 and 12. There are, however, numerous parents that suspect their child feels these pains as early as 1 year old. Just shy of 12 months old I suspected that my son began feeling the effects of growing pains. He began having trouble sleeping, would sometimes whine when I tried to get him to stand and would pat his legs while crying. He responded very well to me massaging his legs/knees and using a small heating pad when I tried it one day after a bout of crying ensued when I tried putting him on the ground standing.

So I have compiled the 'what to know's' of growing pains in a toddler or young child:

What are Growing Pains? There is no evidence the growing pains are at all related to growth. They do, however, seemed to be exacerbated by a lot of physical activity. They also tend to be an issue in the evening before bed. 

How do I treat them? A warm compress, massage and light stretching often helps. If the pain is unbearable it is typically OK to give a dose of children's acetaminophen, but I personally use this as a last resort. (One Doctor recommends not over-doing the comforting, however, as a young child may associate crying at night with attention and massage.)

How do I know if the pain is from Growing Pains? The pain is typically felt in the calf, the front of the thigh or behind the knee. A Doctor usually diagnoses Growing Pains based on age, where the pain is located, and how the child reacts when the legs are touched. If the pains are a concern blood work and X-rays may be ordered, but will show no abnormalities if the pains are caused by Growing Pains.

When should we see a Doctor? If your child is limping, has a fever or redness and swelling, unusual tiredness or joint pain it is time to seek medical attention. If the pains persist or are seemingly unbearable it's best to speak to your child's pediatrician just in case they suspect there is an underlying issue that should be checked out.  

Baby Carriers- Why I dislike forward facing

There are so many companies and products out today that are deemed 'requirements' when you have a child. As a first time mom I was part of the prime target for a lot of these companies, but because of my incessant questioning of anything new to me I did not fall victim to too many products I was being force fed. I researched every item I bought for my son- his crib, the mattress, his bouncer, his shampoo. Everything. When it came to which sling to pick even the most amount of internet research left me stumped. Would a Moby Wrap work best for me? A Boba? What about an Ergo? I read reviews, manufacturers websites, and asked family, friends and women at my local La Leche League. Everyone had a sling they liked and a few they disliked. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

The one thing that struck me though was the amount of women and they amount of websites explaining the drawbacks of forward facing slings. After reviewing opinions on both sides I can honestly say I would never be comfortable carrying my child in a sling designed for forward facing.

Here is why:

• Front face slings do not support your infants legs/hips. While in the womb and infants hips and knees are bent- this is their natural position for several months after birth until their joints are able to naturally stretch. Front facing slings often have the child's legs hanging straight down which puts an awful amount of stress on the joints that can cause hip dysplasia. 

• They are more likely to cause back discomfort in the parent. If you carry a child facing outward their spine naturally bends away from you. Also, once the child is old enough to flail their arms and legs it can be awkward for your balance. Personally, I have always had a bad back and find that forward carrying slings exacerbate my pain in just a matter of minutes. My Ergo carrier is great at putting most of my child's weight on my hips which helps immensely. Also for a newly postpartum mother an outward facing sling may put uncomfortable stress on the core muscles.
  
• Front facing slings may cause chaffing and put too much pressure on babies groin area. It would be an uncomfortable position for ME to be in- I can only imagine how it would feel for a little boy. 
  

• No head or neck support. "Positional asphyxia is possible when babies have no neck control and their chin falls toward their chests.  Little babies should never be placed in a position that can compromise their airways.  The US Consumer Products Safety Commission recently passed a law that the warning labels of forward facing carriers must state that babies should not face out until adequate head/neck control is achieved." -(www.bobafamily.com/blog/2011/10/11/nine-reasons-not-to-carry-your-baby-facing-out/) 

• When your child is facing away from you it is harder to respond to their needs. If you cannot see your child they may spit up, their airway may not be clear, etc. and you may not be able to quickly or adequately respond to your child.

                                             

•  A child is likely to become over stimulated in the front facing position. Babies can still experience the world and new environments while facing inward- and at their own pace! An over stimulated child is an unhappy child; an unhappy child makes for a miserable time for parent. (At least this rings true for my son and myself.)

Because my back is so bad my son and I had to give up the sling wearing for most occasions. He happily rides along or pushes his stroller wherever we need to go. There are still times that putting him in a sling helps me accomplish some things around the house when he is feeling needy, but for these times it is better on my back to spin my Ergo around and let my son ride piggy back. (He now LOVES telling Mommy to 'Giddy-Up' like a horse while in this position!)

I cannot tell you what sling will work best for you. Every one has different ideas on what they want out of a sling. For my son and myself we started with a Moby Wrap, which we loved when he was just a tiny newborn (incidentally, it made breastfeeding in public discreetly extremely easy). As he grew longer and heavier the Ergo became my best friend. I am beyond relieved that my son is now capable of holding my hand while we walk together or content with sitting in the child seat of a grocery cart... My recommendation is to ask friends, family or women in a play group if you can try on or borrow different types of slings to find what works best for you and your child. While I would never be comfortable carrying my son in a forward facing sling, this may not be the case for you. Like any other purchase of a product that impacts your child I hope that you research, research, research!

Only the best for baby! Right, Mom? (or Dad...)