10 Things I Did RIGHT as a First Time Mom

A couple days ago I wrote about my top 10 mommy confessions for my sons first year. I have decided to spin things around and also point out my top 10 things that I feel I did right. So, without further ado:

Money- I am grateful to my parents for having taught me about the inner workings of a trust, the market and interest. When my son was born my husband and I set up a savings account for him along with a trust, a trust fund and a life insurance policy. After all, what is the point of having kids if not to have someone to take care of you when you get old? And I'm pretty sure he'll need steady finances to do so, so why not get him off on a good foot? Nursing home in Hawaii, here I come! (Sarcasm... To those who are reading too far into this...)

Not afraid to be goofy in public- While at the grocery store today I came to the revelation that I am that crazy woman making strange noises to entertain her kid. Only, I tend to take it up a notch or two. A year ago I was one of those people that thought a child should be seen and not heard unless otherwise spoken to... And then I became a parent. My shopping trips have become more like going to work as a ring leader in a miniature traveling circus: My son and I make animal noises at random, race car sounds when I push the cart around corners and I've been known to shake the cart pretending there is an earthquake to get a great big belly laugh out of my little cart passenger. I'm not ashamed, and I admit to enjoying these games. As long as my son has a smile on his face the 'Quack, Quack' sounds will persist in the isles of my Target.

Bought him a great pair of shoes- I was a little overzealous with my credit card when I found out I was going to be a mommy to a little boy. He had clothes and toys galore before he was even born. By the time he started walking he owned 8 pairs of shoes. 8 pairs of glorified socks (since that's really all those soft bottom shoes are). When my son started walking, however, I knew that he would need a good pair of shoes- something that would teach him to walk correctly, give him support and wouldn't hinder him so much in the transition from learning to walk barefoot vs. with shoes on. I splurged on a pair of grey Nike's that my son LOVES. He now owns 3 pairs of shoes, of which the Nike's are the only ones he is able to run in without issue. I plan on buying a new pair soon, as he is growing so quickly, and I feel it's important that he have shoes that offer support while he is still getting the hang of this whole 'walking' thing.

Breastfeeding- One of my greatest accomplishments! I knew I wanted to breastfeed in order to give my son the best start I could and despite all my troubles that inevitably lead to needing prescription medication to help me boost my milk supply, I stuck with it. My first goal was to make it to 3 months, then 6 months, 9 months, then a year. My goal now is to wean my son OFF the breast by 2 years! I love the bonding time with my son, I love the health benefits it gives him (he's never been sick to this day!), but I'm not so sure my back or my breasts can handle much more! Not to mention I'd love to get my breast back for a bit before having to give them up to a new child.

Monthly footprints and mementos- It's amazing to me how many mother's wish they had kept up with baby books or took footprints or more photos of their kids. It's a regret I did not wish to share, so I have diligently kept up with my sons baby book where I write every milestone, or all my sons little quirks (example: March 2012- Nathan sneezes every time he gets cold), as well as taking monthly hand and footprints. The plan is to take yearly professional family photos, along with the mini photo shoots I take of my son every couple months. I'd much rather look back and say 'Geez, I took TOO many photos' than 'I wish I had more to remember those days'.

ABC's and Numbers (English AND Spanish)- There's this theory that kids are born with the ability of learning any language, and the brain cells not used for the particular language they hear daily slowly die off. Considering our regional location my husband and I have decided that our son should at least be introduced to the Spanish language while he is little. While I sing the ABC's to him mostly in English, I do on occasion sing them to him in Spanish (along with any and all songs I remember from all my years of Spanish class in school- one sure fire way to get my son to laugh hysterically is to belt out a verse or two of Cielito Lindo, as long as you leave it all out there with the 'AYE, AYE, AYE, AYE's').

Outings- I LOVE taking my son to see and experience new things. We recently completed a Run or Dye 5k, went to Boo at the Zoo for Halloween, kept up with our monthly La Leche League meetings and while on vacation to San Diego went to the Air and Space Museum to check out the Ripley's Believe It or Not exhibit. While the town I live in has very little to offer, especially with a young child, I try my best to introduce my son to new things. Aside from the 'places' we go we also spend a lot of time outdoors, whether in the desert where we go off-roading or playing in our own fabulous kid friendly backyard. I aim for at least an hour of playtime outside or somewhere new a day- my son loves to explore and I love that it wears him out!

Picking my battles- I have my bad days, and my good. I have a high energy kid that is hard to keep up with. I worry about him, but know that he needs to learn by exploring. He climbs on the furniture, he pulls the dogs ears, he throws his food and always leaves messes in his wake. If it's not life threatening, going to cause injury to himself or another, or crossing a boundary he is in full awareness of I try to let things be. I've tried correcting every little thing in a day and all it did was leave me emotionally drained, my son in a bad mood and a whole day ruined. He'll learn, but it's a slow process. Why not relax and let him enjoy being a kid for a bit?

Owning pets- I know in my 'confessions' post I mentioned that my son has a way of acquiring a handful or two of dog food a day before I am able to get it out of his reach (wait, I only admitted to one or two kibbles a day? Well, then, I'll stick to that...), but one thing I AM happy about is that my son is able to grow up learning not to fear animals. I very much dislike both extremes to this that some parents inevitably teach to their kids: either the 'fear all animals' side or the 'pets are disposable' side. I want my son to grow up loving our dogs as members of the family. I just hope eventually my son is able to distinguish the fact that he is not a dog, and stops trying to eat their food and playing in their crate.

Hugs and Kisses- I've kept journals since the age of 3. The only things legible from the first year or so are lists of the people and things I love: "I love Mommy', 'I love Daddy', 'I love my doggies', etc. I want nothing more than my son to grow up with love in his heart. (Cue the 'Awwwwe') I tell him I love him no less than a million times a day, I steal kisses (and recently started getting kisses back from my son- only he comes at me with his mouth wide open like he is going to swallow my face whole), and I hug him often. I so look forward to the day my son can say 'I love you, Mommy', but there is no doubt in my mind that he doesn't already feel my love for him.

10 Confessions from a First Time Mom

Every parent makes mistakes. It's not often that women voluntarily admit to their parenting faux pas, especially in a world where women believe the number of Pinterest type crafts and activities you accomplish with your child seemingly ranks you as a parent.

Personally I think that since my son recently turned 13 months old I must be doing something right for him to still be alive and thriving. I did however, make numerous mistakes in his first year of life. Of those, 10 stand out to me as things I would have done differently or approached in a different way if I had only had a crystal ball those 13 months ago.

1. Forgot to restock diaper bag with diapers- At my son's 4 month appointment with his pediatrician I discovered I only had one extra diaper with me. When the nurse came in to weigh him they had me strip him down. At this time I noticed he had soiled his diaper. I put a fresh diaper on him while we waited for the doctor to enter the room. In this 10 minute time span my son decided he had not finished his morning bowel movement and proceeded to destroy the only other diaper I had with us. I pretended not to notice and when his doctor did the '10 point inspection' of my son he pointed out the dirty diaper to me. I casually responded with an 'Oh, I'll change him when I am getting him re-dressed'. Thankfully the doctor finished his exam and gave us the 'see ya next time' wave. I dressed my son, leaving the nasty diaper on him and rushed home to change him. The only other time this happened to me was when I was visiting my in laws and I had to rush out to the drug store for a pack of diapers. Needless to say: I now carry diapers in the trunk of the car with a pack of wipes.

2. Dropped him- Yes. I Admit to having dropped my son. He has also fallen off my bed and tumbled down the stairs. These things happen. Now that he is a running, climbing, rambunctious toddler these things, and things similar to these, happen daily.

3. Let him sleep with me- Now this one is both an 'oops' and a deliberate choice. It was a great option when I could use the co-sleeper I had next to my bed, but since he out grew that about 6 months ago I've dealt with being kicked, pushed off the bed and left with no blankets on a nightly basis. I can successfully get him to sleep in his own crib for maybe 2 hours a night. Those are the best 2 hours of sleep EVER.

4. Clipped his finger with the nail clippers- A confession I think most mothers can relate to. Before having my son my friends had told me that they just bite their babies nails so they don't have to worry about accidentally clipping their babies fingers or toes- this grossed me out. Incidentally I also found it disgusting to think of sharing a drink or a spoon with my child, and these two things are not only the 'norm' with my son and I, but are probably some of the least disgusting things I now do as a mother. Case and point: I now have no reservations about shoving my sons stinky toes in my mouth to bite off an over grown toenail.

5. My son eats the dog's food- I feel like most kids that grow up with pets in the house try their food. I get it- my son feeds the dogs his food, so he assumes it's only fair they share theirs. The first time my son got a hold of some kibbles I freaked: I shoved my fingers in my sons mouth in order to scoop them out while simultaneously lecturing my infant son as to why he shouldn't eat that. Fast forward 7 months and my son is still fascinated with eating the dog's food. Admittedly he probably eats at least 2 kibbles a day before I am able to round up all the dog bowls in the kitchen every morning, not to mention my son has located where the food is kept and it's not exactly in a location I can feasibly keep him out of. It's not like I'm feeding it to him, but I know it also won't kill him...

6. Didn't do enough research on circumcision after care before he was born- Time for a serious moment here. I've written about the lack of information I had on the after care of my sons circumcision and the issues he has had with adhesions. Because of these issues I wish I had done more researched and asked more questions in order to benefit my son.

7. Let him destroy my cell phone- $200 later my son has 2 new pearly white teeth and I have a new phone to show for him using my cell phone as a teether. Incidentally I bought an Otterbox for my new phone... Chew on little man!

8. Boob to make everything better- As a newborn my son was dependent on my breasts for nourishment. When he was about 6 months old and began to navigate on his own he would sometimes get a boo-boo. I knew giving him some milk would comfort him and make the crying stop. Big Mistake. My son now wants to latch on when he falls, when he bumps his head, when he stumbles, when he hiccups, whenever... He knows where they're located and he WILL get them when he decides he needs comforting. He's a year old, he's unstable on his feet, he falls down a lot, thus my house has essentially turned into a 24/7 shoot for National Geographic.

9. Pawned my son off on my husband more often- It is still rare for me to be able to even bathe without my son in the room with me. I can occasionally convince my husband to entertain my son for 45 minutes while I soak in the tub, but the majority of that time my son is fussy or crying for me. My son LOVES his father, and I'm convinced it's not even ME that my son is so attached to- it's the boobs (see number 8), but all I want is an hour of 'Me Time'. If I could go back, I would have pawned my son off on my husband more often in the beginning while I disappeared for a bit so he could 'get the idea'.

10. Thought I knew it all and had it all planned out- I used to daydream about how wonderful being a mother would be- I would have a quiet, well behaved child and I would do arts and crafts all day with them, my house would be wonderfully clean and my meals all planned out and well executed. I would also silently criticize the parents of obnoxious kids in public and offer parenting tips to friends that I assumed needed advice... Man, was I delusional.

I love my son to death, and regret nothing. Sure I've made mistakes, but nothing so damaging that I feel the need to start saving for my sons inevitable therapy sessions... But hey, I have the rest of his life, and the lives of any of his potential future siblings, to screw up a few more times. I know it's just all part of learning to parent; my son is happy and I'm doing the best I can!

Growing Pains in a Toddler or Young Child

I remember the ache from growing pains in my legs that I got periodically when I was a kid. It's an irritating pain that persists no matter what you do. I can most liken it to that obnoxious feeling that you get when you hit your funny bone, just in your knees/legs and it does not dissipate after a few out loud 'Ouch-Ouch-Ouch's.

Most articles suggest that children that are prone to the aches of growing pains will feel them around 3 years of age and again between 8 and 12. There are, however, numerous parents that suspect their child feels these pains as early as 1 year old. Just shy of 12 months old I suspected that my son began feeling the effects of growing pains. He began having trouble sleeping, would sometimes whine when I tried to get him to stand and would pat his legs while crying. He responded very well to me massaging his legs/knees and using a small heating pad when I tried it one day after a bout of crying ensued when I tried putting him on the ground standing.

So I have compiled the 'what to know's' of growing pains in a toddler or young child:

What are Growing Pains? There is no evidence the growing pains are at all related to growth. They do, however, seemed to be exacerbated by a lot of physical activity. They also tend to be an issue in the evening before bed. 

How do I treat them? A warm compress, massage and light stretching often helps. If the pain is unbearable it is typically OK to give a dose of children's acetaminophen, but I personally use this as a last resort. (One Doctor recommends not over-doing the comforting, however, as a young child may associate crying at night with attention and massage.)

How do I know if the pain is from Growing Pains? The pain is typically felt in the calf, the front of the thigh or behind the knee. A Doctor usually diagnoses Growing Pains based on age, where the pain is located, and how the child reacts when the legs are touched. If the pains are a concern blood work and X-rays may be ordered, but will show no abnormalities if the pains are caused by Growing Pains.

When should we see a Doctor? If your child is limping, has a fever or redness and swelling, unusual tiredness or joint pain it is time to seek medical attention. If the pains persist or are seemingly unbearable it's best to speak to your child's pediatrician just in case they suspect there is an underlying issue that should be checked out.  

Baby Carriers- Why I dislike forward facing

There are so many companies and products out today that are deemed 'requirements' when you have a child. As a first time mom I was part of the prime target for a lot of these companies, but because of my incessant questioning of anything new to me I did not fall victim to too many products I was being force fed. I researched every item I bought for my son- his crib, the mattress, his bouncer, his shampoo. Everything. When it came to which sling to pick even the most amount of internet research left me stumped. Would a Moby Wrap work best for me? A Boba? What about an Ergo? I read reviews, manufacturers websites, and asked family, friends and women at my local La Leche League. Everyone had a sling they liked and a few they disliked. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

The one thing that struck me though was the amount of women and they amount of websites explaining the drawbacks of forward facing slings. After reviewing opinions on both sides I can honestly say I would never be comfortable carrying my child in a sling designed for forward facing.

Here is why:

• Front face slings do not support your infants legs/hips. While in the womb and infants hips and knees are bent- this is their natural position for several months after birth until their joints are able to naturally stretch. Front facing slings often have the child's legs hanging straight down which puts an awful amount of stress on the joints that can cause hip dysplasia. 

• They are more likely to cause back discomfort in the parent. If you carry a child facing outward their spine naturally bends away from you. Also, once the child is old enough to flail their arms and legs it can be awkward for your balance. Personally, I have always had a bad back and find that forward carrying slings exacerbate my pain in just a matter of minutes. My Ergo carrier is great at putting most of my child's weight on my hips which helps immensely. Also for a newly postpartum mother an outward facing sling may put uncomfortable stress on the core muscles.
  
• Front facing slings may cause chaffing and put too much pressure on babies groin area. It would be an uncomfortable position for ME to be in- I can only imagine how it would feel for a little boy. 
  

• No head or neck support. "Positional asphyxia is possible when babies have no neck control and their chin falls toward their chests.  Little babies should never be placed in a position that can compromise their airways.  The US Consumer Products Safety Commission recently passed a law that the warning labels of forward facing carriers must state that babies should not face out until adequate head/neck control is achieved." -(www.bobafamily.com/blog/2011/10/11/nine-reasons-not-to-carry-your-baby-facing-out/) 

• When your child is facing away from you it is harder to respond to their needs. If you cannot see your child they may spit up, their airway may not be clear, etc. and you may not be able to quickly or adequately respond to your child.

                                             

•  A child is likely to become over stimulated in the front facing position. Babies can still experience the world and new environments while facing inward- and at their own pace! An over stimulated child is an unhappy child; an unhappy child makes for a miserable time for parent. (At least this rings true for my son and myself.)

Because my back is so bad my son and I had to give up the sling wearing for most occasions. He happily rides along or pushes his stroller wherever we need to go. There are still times that putting him in a sling helps me accomplish some things around the house when he is feeling needy, but for these times it is better on my back to spin my Ergo around and let my son ride piggy back. (He now LOVES telling Mommy to 'Giddy-Up' like a horse while in this position!)

I cannot tell you what sling will work best for you. Every one has different ideas on what they want out of a sling. For my son and myself we started with a Moby Wrap, which we loved when he was just a tiny newborn (incidentally, it made breastfeeding in public discreetly extremely easy). As he grew longer and heavier the Ergo became my best friend. I am beyond relieved that my son is now capable of holding my hand while we walk together or content with sitting in the child seat of a grocery cart... My recommendation is to ask friends, family or women in a play group if you can try on or borrow different types of slings to find what works best for you and your child. While I would never be comfortable carrying my son in a forward facing sling, this may not be the case for you. Like any other purchase of a product that impacts your child I hope that you research, research, research!

Only the best for baby! Right, Mom? (or Dad...)

My 'High-Energy' Child

When I was pregnant with my son I used to comment that if it was possible to diagnose an unborn child with ADHD that my son would be a prime candidate. He would kick and squirm and somersault in my belly for HOURS a day. My doctor would often ask me if I could feel my son move 10 times in an hour, which was met with a quizzical stare from me followed by informing him my son moved 10 times within the minute. Through my research I found that fetuses at 32 weeks are expected to sleep 90-95% of the day. This was not the case for my son.

After my son was born he seemed like the average newborn- sleeping for most of the day, eating during the rest of it. As a first time mom I would never would have known different.


Fast forward a year. My son is just a couple days shy of 13 months old and has the energy of the Tasmanian devil from the bugs bunny cartoons of my childhood. His running, yelling, throwing things, screaming, and general bouncing off the walls knows no bounds. It has begun to cross the line of embarrassment in certain arenas and I am certain there are times people wonder if I discipline my child at all. Heck, I used to be one of those (childless) people that would silently pass judgement on the parent of a rowdy child at the grocery store. While I would never let my son throw a full blown temper tantrum out in public, I have given into a few things I never thought I would have had to. (I'm not above bribery with snacks and toys when my patience is wearing thin and I just want to make it out of the store and back home before I pull my hair out!)

As someone who remembers sucking my thumb until the ripe old age of 13, being quite a sedentary child who hardly made a peep until at least the age of 3, someone who hardly played sports and always had an excuse to get out of Physical Education at school, I wonder how or why I ended up with a child quite the opposite of myself. While talking to my mother on Skype the other day even she mentioned that neither my sister nor myself were ever as high energy as my son.

While chasing after him has been great at helping me burn off what is left of the baby weight I am carrying around, I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with my son. I admit that at least once a day I find myself void of all patience for his 'GO-GO-GO' attitude. I am struggling with finding ways to discipline him effectively during his bouts of excessive energy, and am having trouble finding constructive ways for him to burn this energy where I am not 'stuck' sitting in the backyard watching him chase the dogs like a maniac for HOURS on end while I am forced to put an extensive to-do list on the back burner AGAIN!

I wish I had some magical tips that are guaranteed to work for any 'high energy' child out there, but I don't. I wish there was advice from the medical community (at least that didn't involve medicating the child). I even wish that the few tricks I have picked up from other parents and from my experience worked for my own son every time, but they don't. Like any other lesson in parenting I just have to keep trying to find something that works, and adapting to situations and to my sons needs as he grows.

Here are the 'tips' that have been met with the most success in my home:

• Channel your child's energy into appropriate activities... In each room my son has an area with appropriate toys for him to play with ie. The kitchen has certain drawers he is allowed in (Tupperware drawer and spatula drawer), etc. My son also enjoys helping me clean, so I will give him a dish towel to wipe the cupboards with, or I let him push the Swiffer around. 
• Childproof the house- and then do it again... My son watched me install cupboard clips and the baby gates- they lasted all of 15 minutes before he mastered how to work them. If your child is 'high energy' it's virtually impossible to chase them around 24/7 making sure they don't get into something they shouldn't, so it is especially important to take the time to childproof your home... Twice a week.
• Set clear, and most importantly, consistent limits... Word of warning here: if you try and correct EVERY little thing you will be disciplining your 'high energy' child until you are blue in the face. The last thing you want to do is to 'break' their will! Pick your battles. 
• Make sure to feed your child healthy foods and snacks... 'High energy' kids plus sugar can be disastrous!
• Find a play group with slightly older or active children.
• Set routines. 
• Learn to embrace your child's high energy- don't take away their love of life! Heck, strong willed children often become leaders! 

Although there are still moments out with my energetic son that I feel like ducking my head and wishing the store was deserted, I am learning to embrace the fact that my son is so different from me.

And I have no doubt that he will grow to become a confident, intelligent, social butterfly of a young man.