Co-Sleeping and Mom Worries

There are women everywhere who categorize their parenting styles to a 'T'. An attachment parenting group attempted to recruit me one day when I was visiting my local Baby Cafe (the greatest place on earth for a nursing mom). The idea of making friends with other moms, and finally finding a play group sounded great until I read the brochure. I just couldn't commit to ALL their ideals, so I had to pass. I may not fit into one specific category, but I know what makes me feel most comfortable and I do what I feel is best for my son. My biggest problem, however, is figuring out where to draw the line and how to progressively create a more independent child.

My son and I co-sleep. It was easiest for us when he was a newborn as he was nursing 24/7, so if I wanted sleep the only way I was going to get it was to sleep in a position where my breasts were easily accessible for my infant. I have always been a light sleeper which meant I never actually found myself in a deep sleep until a good solid 6 months after he was born- and that was only a couple times during naps on the couch while my son napped in his crib.

When my son was 3 months old a store opened up in town that you could buy and sell good quality, used baby items. I still spend at least an hour every two weeks wandering the isles in search of a good deal, and trading in my sons old clothes for new ones (he grows so fast!). It was at this store that I came across a 'co-sleeper' that attached to my bed so he had his own area, I had mine, but he was still within an arms reach. Admittedly he would still sleep in my bed majority of the time since my breast was no where near close enough to reach his mouth while he was laying in it. When my son started standing up on his own we had to retire the co-sleeper for fear that he would climb out and onto the floor in the middle of the night.

At 8 months a pack-n-play was put up in our bedroom. To this day my son has slept maybe 12 hours in it. He refuses to fall asleep on his own still, and wakes up 95% of the time that I try to transfer him into it to sleep on his own. I have this internal battle of wanting to sleep without my son twisting and kicking me in the forehead at night, and wanting to make sure he is OK and breathing every 15 seconds when I feel the urge to check.

So what is the solution?

My husband recommends putting my son in his own bedroom, shutting the door and letting my son cry his eyes out until he falls asleep on his own. Not only does this idea make my heart ache, but I know that my son is not one to give in. The few times I needed to walk away to take a breather and I let him cry, he did not give up. We've been in the car with my son before late at night and instead of just falling asleep he screamed and screamed and screamed for a hour until I begged my husband to pull over and let me nurse my son just to have a second of reprieve. The crying continued as soon as he went back in his car seat and persisted for another hour until we made it home.

What other options do we have? Let him sleep in my bed until he's 3? No thanks. Not only would that be terrible for my sex life for an exceedingly long time, but if my son keeps doing this 'sleep crawling' thing I will never sleep without a foot in my face or a butt in my rib cage.

Realistically I know I need to revamp my sons whole night time routine. Sure, the bath time and teeth brushing time can stay, but he needs to start putting himself to sleep. As soon as we manage that I am sure we could work something out for the middle of the night feeding he still requires wherein I can get up, nurse him and put him back in his own bed. But how do I accomplish this without the battle?'

I've done a lot of research to find an answer, but I'm afraid there is no 'one size fits all' solution. I do not believe in the cry it out method, since my child has shown his anxiety level raises so much when we have tried this that it backfires into keeping him awake for longer. So I guess I have to get creative. Today I will be bringing his actual crib down from his room and assembling it in my bedroom. I have a few reasons I want to try this:
1. He will nap in his crib during the day with little to no issues. Even when he wakes up from his nap he is content to play quietly until I come to retrieve him.
2. When I attempt to move him from my bed to the pack n play at night the jostling and lowering it takes to get him into it wakes him to an almost wide awake and panic state. His crib mattress, while lowered to keep him from climbing out, is still higher off the ground than the pack n play, so less balancing him on my arms is necessary to lower him into place.
3. Once we get him adjusted to sleeping in his own bed, he'll be used to the routine happening with his crib involved. When we are ready to move him to his own bedroom, his bed will go with and he will at least have that comfort during the transition.

I hope to give him his bath tonight, nurse him until he almost out and transferring him to his crib. I may have to pick him back up a million times until he is ready to sleep on his own, but I am coming to the conclusion that giving up a couple nights sleep for a new routine where I get my own bed in the end may be worth it.

Wish me luck- and lots of magical sand from the sandman!