Disciplining an Infant/Toddler

My husband and I have different ideas on how to raise our son, but we have the same end goal: to raise an intelligent, competent, confident and independent young man. We just have different ideas on how to achieve this goal. During a recent conversation between my husband and myself we discussed appropriate discipline for our son. I have my own experiences from my childhood and my husband has his, which are vastly different, but what I wondered was what the experts suggest. We have since learned to mesh our personal beliefs with those of the experts when it comes to correcting my son when necessary.

There are a few factors that play into why I chose to discipline my son the way that I do. (And yes, I do discipline my 11 month old). First, I realize that as his mother I am his teacher, rather than disciplinarian. Instead of viewing discipline as a punishment, I choose to see it as a teaching opportunity. Second, I have decided, despite my husbands nagging against it, to focus on picking my battles. Lastly, I have adapted to dealing with my sons personality.

Most experts believe the same thing when it comes to disciplining an infant or toddler that is in the crawling, exploring and getting-into-everything stage: as a parent, now is the time to keep them safe by moving a child that is getting into something they shouldn't and providing them with a safe environment in which to explore. Most suggest that if they get into something that you really want to teach them to not play with (wall outlets, pulling on window treatments, etc) then it is 'OK' to tell them 'No' and move them away as well as providing them with a substitute toy to play with.

A child's brain makes over 1000 trillion connections by the time they turn 3. The only time in a persons life that a brain makes more nerve connections than those that die off is between birth and the age of 3. This is the greatest period of forming, molding and shaping. On the same token, they are also exceedingly vulnerable during this time frame.The effects of early life experience on a child's development, behavior and attitude are very dependent on the parents active roles in their child's brain development (as well as the social and emotional relationships and experiences that they are introduced to, but for all intents and purposes, I am focusing on the parents role). 

 "When parents and caregivers take care of a child they're doing a lot more than just feeding or bathing or comforting. They're helping the child's brain to develop, shaping his temperament and teaching the child about the world." -Dr. Donald Cohen, director of the Yale Child Study Center

On one hand I realize that I am shaping my son, and on the other I realize that not every battle is worth fighting. It will not hurt him to let the little things slide while he is still so young. If I tried to correct every thing I do not necessarily agree with that my son does I would be blue in the face by lunch time, and I would spend an exorbitant amount of time being negative towards my son.

I have decided for myself what my limits are in regards to my sons behavior. For example: Climbing the bookcase requires correction, whereas getting crumbs all over the floor is best left alone for the time being. My biggest concern is the safety of my son, if he is not doing something to jeopardize his safety then my next questions are, will this action matter in the future and does this behavior break any of my rules or boundaries? If I do not feel that correcting the behavior at this moment in time will have any consequence when my son is 30 years old and a major rule or boundary is not broken, then why hassle my son? Sometimes it is best to let the little things go, as to avoid a total melt down at an inopportune time. Most importantly I find myself needing to remind my husband and myself that my son is not even a year old yet. It is great to have some structure and to make the boundaries known to my son at this age, but it is not feasible to expect him to not overstep them or to know them by heart by now.

One of the greatest pieces of advice I have read through my research is to adapt the corrective actions to fit my sons personality. As parents we hear time and time again that no child is the same- how true this is. There are some children that respond quickly to a simple 'No' when they do something wrong, and there are children that require a more forceful reprimand. My son definitely falls into the latter category. From the first few times my husband and I attempted to discipline my son he thought it funny. Telling him 'No' with a stern face only prompted him to laugh and repeat the action we were trying to stop. My son now requires 2 stern 'No's', at times a tap on the hand or his butt and almost always requires to be moved from harms way or for the object to be taken from him. Even though my son is so young I try to explain to him in the simplest terms why I am telling him No. For example, when my son tried turning the knobs on the my stove the other night I told him a forceful 'No', took his hand off the knob and got down to his level to explain to him that it is too dangerous for him to touch those. I figure, even if he does not understand me as of yet it is good for me to get into the habit of this now, so that when he is of a more comprehensive age I do not need to change the way I discipline him.

Allowing your child to do things right and making sure to praise them at least as often as you discipline them is an obvious given, consistency is key, and figuring out what works best for you and your child is the best advice I can give. My husband and I have set boundaries for our son and work together in shaping him in the best we know how. We are our child's teachers and parents, playmates and disciplinarians. We have been lucky in finding the right balance to benefit our son now and for the future.