What Happened To Tradition?

I do not wish to ruffle any feathers with his post, nor do I intend for it to be another '16 and Pregnant causes kids to have babies' rant. I just wish to write about my personal beliefs, personal observations and a little bit of research I have done in regards to the lack of traditional marriage in society today.

Recently someone mentioned to me that my husband and I have rather conservative views on most things. The revelation that this person was accurate surprised me. I never would have categorized us as such until it was brought to my attention that with how society today is evolving and changing, my husband and I really do have some 'old fashioned' ideas on how things should work. Although we have been known to do things a little outside the true definition of conservative in most regards we do hold on to traditional views and beliefs.

I met my husband January of 2005 while at a friends birthday party. We were 16 and both just out of 'relationships'. We spent hours talking and cracking jokes. At the end of the night he asked if he could take me on a date the following evening. This was the first time anyone had asked me on a proper date. He arrived at my house the next night, right on time, and asked to meet my parents. After introducing himself and buttering them up we went on a walk down to San Diego Bay where we spent even more time talking and getting to know one another. At the end of the night, before he walked me home to abide by my parents curfew, he asked me if I would be his girlfriend and the rest is history.

When my husband joined the military we had celebrated our 5th anniversary as a monogamous couple. We discussed getting married prior to his leaving for basic training so we could continue to live together when the military stationed him else where. We went to jewelry stores together to pick out our rings and started a planning a wedding. When my ring came in my husband still surprised me by getting down on one knee and formally asking me to marry him. He had spoken to my mother and asked for her blessing prior to doing this.

Our wedding was a traditional church wedding, including premarital counseling with a pastor. Our wedding parties consisted of one best man (my husbands brother), one maid of honor (my sister), one groomsman (my husband's brother in law) and a brides maid (my life-long best friend). The guests were primarily close family and I could not have asked for anything better.

We waited 2 years after our marriage to start a family. It was very much a mutual decision wherein we both agreed we were ready. Studies show that couples that wait at least 2 years after marriage are less likely to divorce. It is important to spend time together as newly weds. My recommendation is to wait at least until the 'honeymoon phase' wears off. Get finances straight, enjoy time between the two of you and make sure you are both in agreement on when to bring a child into the relationship. I am glad we waited until we were in our twenties and happily married before having our son.

The National Campaing to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that there has been a relatively steady decline in teen pregnancies since 1990. So is it just that reality television shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom bring teen pregnancy to the forefront of peoples minds, rather than there actually being an issue with a high number of girls getting pregnant at a young age? Actually this may be the case. According to some of the same reports that most unwed mothers are actually in their twenties, and only 23 percent of births to unwed mothers are to teens. 

Either way, why is it that young women think getting pregnant out of wedlock is the best decision for their life? I know their mentality, but I don't understand their thought processes. The likelihood that their boyfriend will stick around is low, and if the young girl decided to 'trick' their boyfriend into getting them pregnant, then the risk of resentment runs high. 44% of women have had a baby by the time they are 25, and only 38 percent have been married. We are almost to the point where there are more births outside of marriage then within a marriage: 48% of births in the US precede marriage. Clearly each of these pregnancies is not 'accidental'. Why is this becoming the 'norm'?

I often wonder why my husband and I were the only ones of my friends to go a more traditional route. We wanted to date for a few years before marriage, we wanted to live together for a couple years to make sure we were compatible, and most importantly we wanted to make sure our marriage was stable enough to bring children into it. I have friends that were teen mothers, friends that had children in their 20's out side of marriage, friends that have already been divorced twice or three times, and friends that have decided against marriage and instead have chosen to just live with their partners. These groups make up the majority, whereas my friends that have chosen to get married before having children fit into a very small group. 

Couple are more likely to live together, rather than get married. Relationships that begin with cohabitation that result in marriage is only at 11%, and couples that live together without getting married has hit an all time high at 32%. Couples that marry prior to having their first child are also less likely to separate within 5 years than those that are simply living together with a steep difference of 13% to 39%. My concern lies with how this affects the children in the middle of these relationships. If more and more children are witness to broken relationships are they more likely to repeat the pattern? The stress alone that this imparts on the children is detrimental to their health and mentality. My husband and I lived together for 5 years before marrying. I am thankful that we did this, as I was able to see that we were in fact compatible. In this respect I suppose we do not fit so much of the traditional conservative view. Personally I knew I could not marry someone without having spent a significant time living together first.

I wanted my children to have the stability of a having a traditional family. I want my children to be able to see that their father and I have made a commitment to one another, and that we take this union seriously. There really is no guarantee that any marriage will last forever, but I feel it shows more solidity and provides a level of comfort for my children. I know that kids learn from their parents and tend to repeat history: Children of teen parents tend to be teen parents themselves. So are the new statistics that having children out of wedlock or simply cohabitation and never marrying going to become such a trend that marriage is not just considered 'old fashioned' but is eventually phased out? I sincerely hope that I am able to impart my beliefs in the sanctity of marriage into my children. I want them to embrace the stability their father and I are giving them now, and hope that they provide the same for their children down the road.