Having Children While in the Military

When I announced my pregnancy on Facebook I was met with an almost overwhelming amount of congratulations. Out of all my excited family and friends there was only one person that felt inclined to voice a negative opinion. This person was a friend for a short time when I was 14 or 15 years old, but was hardly someone I was close with. Our friendship was off and on due to his blatant rudeness and seemingly inability to filter his thoughts before speaking. When I made my announcement he felt inclined to state his opinions on military persons having children while active duty. Long story short he believed active duty military personnel should not have kids because of the deployments and risks involved in the job. I argued my case against this, and have hardly said two words to the person since- it's just not worth my time. I knew what was right for my family and my husband and I discussed all possibilities before deciding to have children.

One of his arguments against having children while in the military was that the children would be raised entirely by the parent back home during a deployment. If by 'raised' he means that only one parent will be consistently present at home, then yes the child will be raised by one parent during deployments. What is entirely incorrect with this statement though is that with today's technology deployed parents are making themselves present in their children's lives while overseas. Between Skype, emails, voice recordings, letters, packages and phone calls deployed parents are still able to converse with their kids in some cases on a daily basis. If a parent chooses to be involved in their child's life while overseas, they will do what they can to make it so. Here's the thing, just because I would be home and thus the only disciplinarian here while my husband is overseas, doesn't mean that any teaching and guidance my husband has put forth into raising our child would go out the window upon him leaving. My husband and I 'back' each other in raising our son and would never under mind the other when it comes to parenting. My son would know that dad would be getting updates on his behavior, as well as mom would be holding up dad's rules while he is gone. My husband would still be helping to raise our son.

His next argument against military persons having children was that the children would resent their parent for their career choice. Couldn't this be the case no matter what their parents choose? There are jobs parents could have that might embarrass a child, jobs that might disgust a child, there may even be parents that are seemingly unemployable or those that embarrass a child because they would rather live off the government. A child whose parent is in the military is more likely to have a sense of pride in their parent than to place a negative connotation toward them for their choice on employment. Their mother or father does a job that only one half of one percent of Americans can claim to have done. at one point in time. Military families raise their children with pride in military service. The only reason I could think that a child may resent their parents job as a military service member is because of the time required away from the family. As stated in my last point, if a person decides to make contact with their family a priority, and the children are informed and educated about the job their parent is doing, then resentment should be at a minimum.

Lastly, the only other argument presented to me as to why my husband and I should not have kids while my husband was in the military was that the constant moving can be hard on kids. I had heard this argument before. If my husband were to chose to make a career of the military then we would move a few more times, for sure. Moving can be great for kids: it can teach them how to be outgoing and to make new friends, it can introduce them to a different culture or lifestyle, and where the military seems to be different than elsewhere is that friendships tend to be stronger because of the bond that civilians may not understand. I went to high school in a military town, and my friends are still in contact with and visit regularly with the friends they made all over the world at their parents various duty stations. Also, what a lot of civilians don't understand is that when re-enlisting there is an option for a member to choose to stay where they are currently stationed (stabilization). The military loves when members chose to do this as it costs the military to move its soldiers, not to mention the soldiers are already familiar with the flow of their current unit. So this is an option if members and their families like where they are located. It is really up to the parents to teach their children to view moving as a positive experience.

Deployments present challenges to the spouse with having to take care of the regular daily activities as well as anything the deployed spouse may have been responsible for taking care of while home. It is not an easy role to play, but is by no means an impossible one. My husband and I discussed everything, every detail, before deciding to start a family. Since we would be trying for our first we were aware that a lot would be learn-as-we-go, but we trusted in the strength of our relationship to get us through the tough times. We are aware that the mentality our children would have toward my husbands job in the military is based entirely on the way they are taught to perceive the job. If he were old enough I know my son would have pride in my husbands choice to serve, and my husband would make communicating with my son a priority if deployed.

As for my husbands employment with the military, it will be coming to an end in a years time, so my infant son will have no real recollection of my husbands time in service. Was it a bad decision to have my son while my husband was in the military? No it was not.