My husband was convinced by the time my son was 5 months old that we had 'screwed up' already. My son refused to sleep in his own bed, was insistent on nursing multiple times a night, and would cry if left alone. He still believes that my son is too attached to me, and that letting my son 'cry it out' is the best and only method to use in 'toughening up' our boy. Since his friends had kids around the same time my son was born he would often compare them and would question why our son wouldn't use a pacifier or sleep through the night. The first thing to pop into my head when presented with these comparisons was the cliche 'If your friends jumped off a bridge...'. I love my husband to death. He only knows the way he was raised, which was with a bit of an iron fist, so I feel I have to persuade him every day to trust my instincts and that it is okay to divert from his 'hard knock' nature from time to time. He is very much a this-is-how-it-is kind of guy where as I am a very go-with-my-heart-and-head kind of person.
The advice the La Leche League leader, Amy, gave me was from Dr. Sears. She suggested that I do our regular before bed nursing session as well as give my son something to eat so his stomach stays full longer, and thus is less inclined to wake every 2 hours. (Brilliant! Why hadn't I thought of that?) She also suggested, as per Dr. Sears, that my husband get up when my son wakes in the middle of the night to hand him a sippy-cup of water. My husband and I will be giving these steps a shot in hopes of encouraging our son to sleep through the night, as well how we will be transitioning him into sleeping in his own crib: Dr. Sears Night Weaning: 12 Alternatives for the All-Night Nurser. After giving me her advice to look up this article she added her personal commentary that she let her kids night wean on their own as she is a 'softy'. I exuberantly agreed that I am too- hence why my son is still sleeping in bed with me at 11 months old.
I mostly feel the need to move my son from my bed because of my husbands insistence on the matter. My feelings are torn in two directions. On one hand I want my bed back, I would love to be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time and most importantly I don't want the slight panic attacks I have every time my son moves for fear that he will fall off the bed. On the other hand I want to be there to comfort him at night, I love rolling over and being able to see his handsome face while he sleeps and mostly it breaks my heart to hear him whimper because he has woken up in his crib and he has discovered I'm not in bed next to him. I think Dr. Sears sums up my feelings here:
Babies will wean and someday they will sleep through the night. This high maintenance stage of nighttime parenting will pass. The time in your arms, at your breast, and in your bed is a relatively short while in the life of a baby, yet the memories of love and availability last forever.Nature can't be wrong. A human child is born with a strong dependence on their parents. They cannot walk on their own, cannot eat on their own, cannot communicate past crying and cannot defend themselves if need be. Children should be able to rely on at least one consistent care giver. This person provides a stability that a child needs. The idea of spoiling an infant is ludicrous.
People often associate un-attachment with independence. A child that has no one to rely on, to nurture them, and to comfort them is not 'independent'. Studies have proven that these children have a higher level of cortisol. When they grow up their levels remain high, so they turn into attention seeking adults or adults that engage in dangerous activities to satisfy themselves. More often than not society believes that a child that sits quietly, entertaining them self and that doesn't cry when their primary caregiver(s) leaves that it is a 'good' child. I run errands and go grocery shopping with my son at least 3 days a week. Almost every time we go out someone comments that he is such a great kid because he can sit quietly in the cart. On days that my son feels very chatty and while still sitting in the cart will try to engage people in conversation I get looks and glares like I should be punishing my child for making noise in public.
Society is full of parents that appear to be inconvenienced by their children. This whole mentality of it being easier to drop their child off at day care, or to let their child cry it out, or to formula feed out of pure convenience gives me an overwhelming sense of sadness. As parents it is our job to mold our children into productive, strong, intelligent adults. It is a real pain for me to have to vacuum my house while carrying my son because he is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, my son often wants to nurse at times that are virtually impossible, and I would LOVE to take a shower without little hands pulling my shower curtain down and yelling 'Mama!' every 10 seconds, but I realize I am a parent. If I am not present to provide comfort and stability for my son, I cannot also be present to discipline and teach my son.
As for my own situation and my need to transition my son from my bed into his own, I am going into it with the mentality that it will happen when it happens. If my son shows sign of excessive distress, of course we will slow down or try something new. I know I am doing the right thing by my son since he moves so much during the night and I would feel an immense amount of guilt if he were to fall off my already overly filled queen-sized bed. I also know that I have not 'screwed up' or damaged my child by allowing him to co-sleep for any length of time, instead, I have provided him with a stable foundation of love and trust that will allow him to become a well adjusted adult. As a first time mom I am learning as I go. Thankfully I have been able to trust in my instincts. By the same token, my son is not 'too attached', he too, is just following his instincts.
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