Domperidone and Breastfeeding

I have had more than my fair share of problems when it comes to breastfeeding my son. My milk did not come in until my son was 8 days old forcing us to supplement at the breast with syringes and feeding tubes. Then at my 8 week check up with my obstetrician he prescribed me the mini pill for birth control and told me that it would have no effect on my milk supply. I believed him and began taking the pill causing my supply to significantly plummet. I saw my son cry from hunger because my body was not able to produce the milk he needed, and I can only imagine few other things that would have broken my heart more. I immediately sought help at my local Baby Cafe. For those who don't know, the Baby Cafe is a charity organization that provides breastfeeding support to those who need it. The Baby Cafe I attend is also a local 'hang out' for breastfeeding mothers and their babies that has the most well known lactation consultant in my area. It is exactly the place I needed, and gave me the hope to successfully breastfeed my son at least to his first birthday.

I met with the lactation consultant who heard my battle stories and asked all the right questions. I had tried everything to bring my milk supply back: fenugreek, blessed thistle, Mother's Milk tea, drinking mass amounts of Gatorade, lactation cookies, pumping after every feeding, anything my research and other mothers I had spoken to suggested. I informed the lactation consultant of all my attempts and failures. Expecting to see the face of a woman as stumped as I was I was instantly surprised that her face still glowed with hope for me. She asked to be excused and returned with a book in hand: Medications and Mothers' Milk 2012 by Thomas W. Hale, Ph.D. She told me I was a perfect candidate for Domperidone and proceeded to tell me all about it.

Domperidone is primarily used as medication to combat nausea, vomiting and gastric reflux in chemotherapy patients. It also causes significant increases in prolactin levels and can be used as a very effective galactagogue. A galactagogue is a substance that increases or promotes a milk supply.

It is currently used in Canada and lacks FDA approval in the US due to old research that suggests it causes heart arrhythmia. What is obvious to me, that the FDA seems to not bear in mind, is that the research was performed with sick patients undergoing chemotherapy and taking high dosages of Domperidone intravenously. As long a person does not have any previous issues with heart arrhythmia, is not hypokalemic, and sticks within the safe dosage there are no real risks reported. The best part is that there are absolutely no reported side effects or concerns for the breastfeed infant. It is used sometimes even used to treat infant reflux in the UK and Canada. Domperidone is the ideal galactagogue!
There are other medications used in the US that can increase a woman's milk supply, primarily Reglan is prescribed. The problem with Reglan, however, is that it can enter the brain and is known to cause depression. Personally I feel that proscribing a medication with such a side effect to women that have recently given birth and have hormones already all over the place is incredibly risky. So why will the FDA not reevaluate Domperidone? Why are doctors so hesitant to prescribe the drug in the US, despite the research suggesting it is risky is outdated and inaccurate?

A woman's prolactin levels increases from 8.1 ng/mL to 124.1 ng/mL for non-lactating women after ONE 20 mg dose. In every report prolactin levels and milk production increased for the majority of women. Although the breast milk protein levels decreased slightly in one study, it showed that caloric content, fat, carbohydrate, sodium or phosphate contents all remained the same for those taking Domperidone. The same study showed an increase in milk-carbohydrate and a very high increase calcium in the breast milk of those treated with the drug.

So where's the negative?


The draw back is that very few doctors stateside are willing to prescribe Domperidone. I had a horrible time trying to find a doctor that even knew what the drug was. I called my OB/GYN, I called my primary care physician, I called the physician the lactation consultant at the Baby Cafe recommended, I even called my sons pediatrician. No one was willing to help me, and with my supply so low, I had to start supplementing with formula again. In the end I was able to get the prescription and noticed a difference within 2 days of taking the pills.

I have been taking Domperidone for about 7 1/2 months now. Despite the fact that research suggests once the milk supply is established it is safe to wean off the medication I still take a single dose of 10 mg a day 'just in case'. The lactation consultant told me that she knows women that have taken it for years with no harm done, so I'm not worried. I am comfortable enough with the research I have done to trust that taking Domperidone will do no harm to me, just like the occasional cup of Mother's Milk tea, lactation cookie, or glass of Gatorade I have been know to partake in despite my supply being well established again. After all, I really just want what is best for my son, and I know that breast milk is really what is best.

My hope is that the FDA reevaluates Domperidone, that more physicians are willing to do their own research to educate themselves about drugs instead of prescribing the usual medications or suggesting horrible alternatives like 'just switch to formula' and most of all I hope more women are able to reap the benefits that this drug has to offer when they are as desperate as I was. This drug recovered my milk supply, gave me back hope, and has helped me provide my son with the best start possible.

Disciplining an Infant/Toddler

My husband and I have different ideas on how to raise our son, but we have the same end goal: to raise an intelligent, competent, confident and independent young man. We just have different ideas on how to achieve this goal. During a recent conversation between my husband and myself we discussed appropriate discipline for our son. I have my own experiences from my childhood and my husband has his, which are vastly different, but what I wondered was what the experts suggest. We have since learned to mesh our personal beliefs with those of the experts when it comes to correcting my son when necessary.

There are a few factors that play into why I chose to discipline my son the way that I do. (And yes, I do discipline my 11 month old). First, I realize that as his mother I am his teacher, rather than disciplinarian. Instead of viewing discipline as a punishment, I choose to see it as a teaching opportunity. Second, I have decided, despite my husbands nagging against it, to focus on picking my battles. Lastly, I have adapted to dealing with my sons personality.

Most experts believe the same thing when it comes to disciplining an infant or toddler that is in the crawling, exploring and getting-into-everything stage: as a parent, now is the time to keep them safe by moving a child that is getting into something they shouldn't and providing them with a safe environment in which to explore. Most suggest that if they get into something that you really want to teach them to not play with (wall outlets, pulling on window treatments, etc) then it is 'OK' to tell them 'No' and move them away as well as providing them with a substitute toy to play with.

A child's brain makes over 1000 trillion connections by the time they turn 3. The only time in a persons life that a brain makes more nerve connections than those that die off is between birth and the age of 3. This is the greatest period of forming, molding and shaping. On the same token, they are also exceedingly vulnerable during this time frame.The effects of early life experience on a child's development, behavior and attitude are very dependent on the parents active roles in their child's brain development (as well as the social and emotional relationships and experiences that they are introduced to, but for all intents and purposes, I am focusing on the parents role). 

 "When parents and caregivers take care of a child they're doing a lot more than just feeding or bathing or comforting. They're helping the child's brain to develop, shaping his temperament and teaching the child about the world." -Dr. Donald Cohen, director of the Yale Child Study Center

On one hand I realize that I am shaping my son, and on the other I realize that not every battle is worth fighting. It will not hurt him to let the little things slide while he is still so young. If I tried to correct every thing I do not necessarily agree with that my son does I would be blue in the face by lunch time, and I would spend an exorbitant amount of time being negative towards my son.

I have decided for myself what my limits are in regards to my sons behavior. For example: Climbing the bookcase requires correction, whereas getting crumbs all over the floor is best left alone for the time being. My biggest concern is the safety of my son, if he is not doing something to jeopardize his safety then my next questions are, will this action matter in the future and does this behavior break any of my rules or boundaries? If I do not feel that correcting the behavior at this moment in time will have any consequence when my son is 30 years old and a major rule or boundary is not broken, then why hassle my son? Sometimes it is best to let the little things go, as to avoid a total melt down at an inopportune time. Most importantly I find myself needing to remind my husband and myself that my son is not even a year old yet. It is great to have some structure and to make the boundaries known to my son at this age, but it is not feasible to expect him to not overstep them or to know them by heart by now.

One of the greatest pieces of advice I have read through my research is to adapt the corrective actions to fit my sons personality. As parents we hear time and time again that no child is the same- how true this is. There are some children that respond quickly to a simple 'No' when they do something wrong, and there are children that require a more forceful reprimand. My son definitely falls into the latter category. From the first few times my husband and I attempted to discipline my son he thought it funny. Telling him 'No' with a stern face only prompted him to laugh and repeat the action we were trying to stop. My son now requires 2 stern 'No's', at times a tap on the hand or his butt and almost always requires to be moved from harms way or for the object to be taken from him. Even though my son is so young I try to explain to him in the simplest terms why I am telling him No. For example, when my son tried turning the knobs on the my stove the other night I told him a forceful 'No', took his hand off the knob and got down to his level to explain to him that it is too dangerous for him to touch those. I figure, even if he does not understand me as of yet it is good for me to get into the habit of this now, so that when he is of a more comprehensive age I do not need to change the way I discipline him.

Allowing your child to do things right and making sure to praise them at least as often as you discipline them is an obvious given, consistency is key, and figuring out what works best for you and your child is the best advice I can give. My husband and I have set boundaries for our son and work together in shaping him in the best we know how. We are our child's teachers and parents, playmates and disciplinarians. We have been lucky in finding the right balance to benefit our son now and for the future.

Baby Led Weaning: Nathan's Food Journey

*Just a friendly reminder that babies nutrients are met through breast milk for the first year. My favorite little rhyme in regards to this is: Foods before one are just for fun!*

The name Baby Led Weaning may be misleading. Essentially it is the act of letting your child feed themselves from the start of their transition from just breast milk to food AND breast milk. The word weaning is most often used when referring to a child giving up breastfeeding all together. In the UK, however, weaning is when a child adds foods into their diet along with breastfeeding. For all intents and purposes, the UK definition is more accurate in description for BLW.

At my sons 4 month well baby check up his pediatrician suggested I start giving my son baby cereal. He said that once my son showed signs of being able 'eat' meals instead of just drinking them, then we should start giving him stage 1 jar  food. A lot of pediatricians have this same attitude towards introducing solids into an infants system, but research suggests there are two things wrong here. Not only is the recommended age for introducing foods to an infant now 6 months of age (or older), but infant cereals have been proven to be horrid for a child.

Baby cereals are processed and ground grains that you can add formula, breast milk or water to. They are used as a way of introducing an infant to foods. The problem with feeding these to an infant lies in the processing of the grains, an infants inability to digest it and what happens when it is ingested. Infants bodies do not possess the enzymes to break down the starch in grains until they reach at least a year old. This enzyme, while found in small amounts around 6 months of age is not fully present and produced until the molars are fully developed, which can arrive anywhere from 13 to 19 months. Rice cereal is the most highly recommended of the infant cereals to start with due to the least likelihood of there being an allergic reaction. Rice cereal is highly processed and what is left is a starch missing any nutrients or vitamins that when digested essentially equates to eating pure sugar.



The World Health Organization recommends waiting until 6 months of age to introduce foods into your infants system. Not only will waiting decrease the chances of  your child developing food allergies but they will have a lower chance of diabetes, obesity and other digestive problems. Introducing solids too early is associated with childhood obesity, higher chances of anemia and an increased risk of respiratory illnesses, ear infections and the like.

Really, what is the rush? Why do so many parents rush into giving their infant foods when the evidence suggesting it can be detrimental to their health is so great?

Admittedly, I gave my son 3 tastes of baby cereal. I mixed a teaspoon of cereal in with about 2 tablespoons of breast milk and fed him this with a spoon at 5 1/2 months. He tried this two more times before I decided it was rather pointless. When my son turned 6 months old he had his first taste of food- sweet potato. I bought a few jars of organic baby foods for him to try, but decided the cost and the mess were too much of a hassle. We gradually transitioned from him eating solids AND spoonfuls of pureed foods I cooked at home to actual baby led weaning, wherein he was feeding himself bite sized pieces of whatever was on my plate.

My son loves being able to feed himself. He took to it right away. Since I have introduced him to such a vast variety of foods already he has so many healthy foods he enjoys. At 11 months he has his routine down on how he eats the foods on his tray- first the veggies, then the meats, the starch or carbohydrate (a slice of bread, some potatoes, some brown rice), then any fruits or whatever is left. He has an amazingly well rounded diet, for which I am proud to have instilled in him.

Why not give your baby the chance to choose which foods to try? I make sure to give Nathan a variety of foods at every meal. It is a great way to help your baby develop motor skills, independence and the ability to decide when they are finished.

One of the highlights of my day is sitting down at the dinner table with my son and enjoying a meal together: he feeding himself his meal, and I mine.

If only I could get him to stop sneaking food to the dogs...

What Happened To Tradition?

I do not wish to ruffle any feathers with his post, nor do I intend for it to be another '16 and Pregnant causes kids to have babies' rant. I just wish to write about my personal beliefs, personal observations and a little bit of research I have done in regards to the lack of traditional marriage in society today.

Recently someone mentioned to me that my husband and I have rather conservative views on most things. The revelation that this person was accurate surprised me. I never would have categorized us as such until it was brought to my attention that with how society today is evolving and changing, my husband and I really do have some 'old fashioned' ideas on how things should work. Although we have been known to do things a little outside the true definition of conservative in most regards we do hold on to traditional views and beliefs.

I met my husband January of 2005 while at a friends birthday party. We were 16 and both just out of 'relationships'. We spent hours talking and cracking jokes. At the end of the night he asked if he could take me on a date the following evening. This was the first time anyone had asked me on a proper date. He arrived at my house the next night, right on time, and asked to meet my parents. After introducing himself and buttering them up we went on a walk down to San Diego Bay where we spent even more time talking and getting to know one another. At the end of the night, before he walked me home to abide by my parents curfew, he asked me if I would be his girlfriend and the rest is history.

When my husband joined the military we had celebrated our 5th anniversary as a monogamous couple. We discussed getting married prior to his leaving for basic training so we could continue to live together when the military stationed him else where. We went to jewelry stores together to pick out our rings and started a planning a wedding. When my ring came in my husband still surprised me by getting down on one knee and formally asking me to marry him. He had spoken to my mother and asked for her blessing prior to doing this.

Our wedding was a traditional church wedding, including premarital counseling with a pastor. Our wedding parties consisted of one best man (my husbands brother), one maid of honor (my sister), one groomsman (my husband's brother in law) and a brides maid (my life-long best friend). The guests were primarily close family and I could not have asked for anything better.

We waited 2 years after our marriage to start a family. It was very much a mutual decision wherein we both agreed we were ready. Studies show that couples that wait at least 2 years after marriage are less likely to divorce. It is important to spend time together as newly weds. My recommendation is to wait at least until the 'honeymoon phase' wears off. Get finances straight, enjoy time between the two of you and make sure you are both in agreement on when to bring a child into the relationship. I am glad we waited until we were in our twenties and happily married before having our son.

The National Campaing to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reports that there has been a relatively steady decline in teen pregnancies since 1990. So is it just that reality television shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom bring teen pregnancy to the forefront of peoples minds, rather than there actually being an issue with a high number of girls getting pregnant at a young age? Actually this may be the case. According to some of the same reports that most unwed mothers are actually in their twenties, and only 23 percent of births to unwed mothers are to teens. 

Either way, why is it that young women think getting pregnant out of wedlock is the best decision for their life? I know their mentality, but I don't understand their thought processes. The likelihood that their boyfriend will stick around is low, and if the young girl decided to 'trick' their boyfriend into getting them pregnant, then the risk of resentment runs high. 44% of women have had a baby by the time they are 25, and only 38 percent have been married. We are almost to the point where there are more births outside of marriage then within a marriage: 48% of births in the US precede marriage. Clearly each of these pregnancies is not 'accidental'. Why is this becoming the 'norm'?

I often wonder why my husband and I were the only ones of my friends to go a more traditional route. We wanted to date for a few years before marriage, we wanted to live together for a couple years to make sure we were compatible, and most importantly we wanted to make sure our marriage was stable enough to bring children into it. I have friends that were teen mothers, friends that had children in their 20's out side of marriage, friends that have already been divorced twice or three times, and friends that have decided against marriage and instead have chosen to just live with their partners. These groups make up the majority, whereas my friends that have chosen to get married before having children fit into a very small group. 

Couple are more likely to live together, rather than get married. Relationships that begin with cohabitation that result in marriage is only at 11%, and couples that live together without getting married has hit an all time high at 32%. Couples that marry prior to having their first child are also less likely to separate within 5 years than those that are simply living together with a steep difference of 13% to 39%. My concern lies with how this affects the children in the middle of these relationships. If more and more children are witness to broken relationships are they more likely to repeat the pattern? The stress alone that this imparts on the children is detrimental to their health and mentality. My husband and I lived together for 5 years before marrying. I am thankful that we did this, as I was able to see that we were in fact compatible. In this respect I suppose we do not fit so much of the traditional conservative view. Personally I knew I could not marry someone without having spent a significant time living together first.

I wanted my children to have the stability of a having a traditional family. I want my children to be able to see that their father and I have made a commitment to one another, and that we take this union seriously. There really is no guarantee that any marriage will last forever, but I feel it shows more solidity and provides a level of comfort for my children. I know that kids learn from their parents and tend to repeat history: Children of teen parents tend to be teen parents themselves. So are the new statistics that having children out of wedlock or simply cohabitation and never marrying going to become such a trend that marriage is not just considered 'old fashioned' but is eventually phased out? I sincerely hope that I am able to impart my beliefs in the sanctity of marriage into my children. I want them to embrace the stability their father and I are giving them now, and hope that they provide the same for their children down the road. 

Things They Don't Teach New Moms: Sex After Childbirth

Disclaimer: Mom and Dad- You are well aware I am a married woman with a child. This topic is one I find that is not written about too often outside of scientific research articles, so I think it could benefit some new mothers looking for answers without all the boring science jargon. Read on if you like, but be warned: like my other posts I use my personal experiences as a way to relate to my research. :)

...............

After giving birth your doctor will instruct you not to have sex for a certain length of time. For me it was 6 weeks. When my doctor informed me of this all that ran through my head was: if sex leads to pregnancy and pregnancy leads to child birth, and child birth leads to having another screaming baby at home keeping me from sleeping, then who would ever do that again?! For me pregnancy was great, giving birth was a wonderful experience, getting pregnant was fabulous, but the sleep deprivation, the sore 'girly' parts, and the fact that my breasts leaked randomly throughout the day made the thought of sex less than undesirable.

When you're pregnant there's often a lot of worry about sex: Is it safe? Will my baby somehow know what I'm doing? Will my husband be mad if I don't feel like it for all 9 months? In most cases it is safe, no, your baby will not know what you're doing, and your significant other should be understanding enough to let you decide if you want sex or not. The first trimester I was too busy battling morning sickness and adjusting to the new hormones to feel sexy. By the second trimester I was more adjusted to the hormones, and the increased blood flow made sex fantastic. The third trimester brought on more difficulties where sex was concerned and I soon discovered it was more of a hassle than it was worth. At the end of my pregnancy sex became more of a tool I tried to use in order to put me into labor than for enjoyment. My sex life changed 9 months before I even brought my son home from the hospital.

I noted earlier my reasons for not wanting to engage in any sexual activities after giving birth to my son. Through my research I have discovered my reasoning's were the norm for a lot of women, and that science has explained some of them.

Couples that have just welcomed a new baby often find that sexual desire has decreased, not just for the woman but for the man also. One study shows that sexual desire takes the hit due to social factors like lack of sleep, stress, and the inability to find time to engage in sexual activities. Physical factors like vaginal bleeding, breastfeeding and the like, while they were contributing factors, did not rank as high. When I gave birth I had a slight tear that required two stitches. While the pain from these, as well as the other physical factors listed above made sex seem like an impossible feat in my mind, I too felt the exhaustion and stress from having a newborn at home impacted my lack of desire more. If you're concerned that your husband is craving sex while you're still fighting off the physical and social factors it is important to note that male hormones may be putting sex out of his mind. Vasopressin is a hormone that helps males bond with their babies that also puts a damper on their sex drive. While your hormones are returning to your pre-pregnancy levels, your husbands hormones are bouncing around as well.

Today's media is full of celebrities in bikinis that have just recently given birth. There are a few lucky women out there that bounce back quickly and with little to no effort- the rest of us are jealous. I looked great just a couple days after giving birth, granted I was definitely not back to where I was before I got pregnant, but I was very happy with my appearance. Since I have had so many issues breastfeeding I have had to maintain a high calorie diet, and due to the production of lactic acid my son screams when he tries to nurse after I attempt a work out. Both of these factors have caused me to gain a bit of weight since giving birth. I miss working out, but due to these two issues and the inability to find time get in a good work out I have developed some problems with negative body image. According to a survey by Women's Day I am not alone. Men whose significant others have recently given birth say their biggest concerns were for their partners body image issues. New dads realize that their partner has recently had a child, and that it is normal for our bodies to not look as they did before pregnancy. Women have trouble working up a sexual appetite if they don't feel sexy in their own skin. This is something that each women needs to find their own solution to: going on a daily jog, fixing their diet, buying a new outfit that shows off their curves, etc. What helps me is waking up in the mornings, putting on well fitting clothes and putting my make up on. I feel like more of a productive, balanced and an all around more enjoyable person to be around than if I were to spend my day lounging around in baggie pajamas. My theory, no matter how delusional it may seem, is that if I don't look like someone I would be attracted to, I can't fathom that my husband would be attracted to me either.

I admit that I was terrified that it would hurt the first time having sex once I was healed. After all, what if I misjudged how healed I was? I got the 'all clear' from my doctor at 6 weeks postpartum and finally worked up the nerve (and found the time) to make love to my husband at 10 weeks. It was uncomfortable, but did not hurt. My doctor, as well as all the doctors in my research, recommend using lubricant the first few times and make sure you let your partner know if something is too uncomfortable. Breastfeeding inhibits the release of estrogen which can cause vaginal dryness no matter how aroused you may feel. There's no reason you and your partner cannot spin this into a positive by trying out new lubes to find your favorites! Eventually things get to a new normal, and for most women sex will go back to being an enjoyable experience.

It is important to remember that sex isn't the only way to maintain intimacy. Make sure you find time to cuddle, massage one another, send each other loving text messages, whatever you find works at keeping you close with your partner. Most of all, know that it does gets better. Your baby gets older, and you and your partner will have more time for one another. My husband and I are still learning how to find time to connect with one another, and we have done an amazing job at making sure we both put forth the effort.

'Too' Attached

At my local La Leche League monthly meeting last Monday I sought out advice on how to transition my son into his own bed and was hoping to find answers for a few other questions: I was curious as to whether or not it is 'normal' for my son to wake up every 2/3 hours to nurse at 11 months and how attached is 'too attached' (if there is such a thing). I have written before about my attempts at moving my son into his own bed (Here), I have also briefly touched on the fact that I had to adjust my parenting to accommodate a very needy and clingy child, so I decided to do some research, as well as soul searching, into whether I needed to modify my parenting in some way.

My husband was convinced by the time my son was 5 months old that we had 'screwed up' already. My son refused to sleep in his own bed, was insistent on nursing multiple times a night, and would cry if left alone. He still believes that my son is too attached to me, and that letting my son 'cry it out' is the best and only method to use in 'toughening up' our boy. Since his friends had kids around the same time my son was born he would often compare them and would question why our son wouldn't use a pacifier or sleep through the night. The first thing to pop into my head when presented with these comparisons was the cliche 'If your friends jumped off a bridge...'. I love my husband to death. He only knows the way he was raised, which was with a bit of an iron fist, so I feel I have to persuade him every day to trust my instincts and that it is okay to divert from his 'hard knock' nature from time to time. He is very much a this-is-how-it-is kind of guy where as I am a very go-with-my-heart-and-head kind of person.

The advice the La Leche League leader, Amy, gave me was from Dr. Sears. She suggested that I do our regular before bed nursing session as well as give my son something to eat so his stomach stays full longer, and thus is less inclined to wake every 2 hours. (Brilliant! Why hadn't I thought of that?) She also suggested, as per Dr. Sears, that my husband get up when my son wakes in the middle of the night to hand him a sippy-cup  of water. My husband and I will be giving these steps a shot in hopes of encouraging our son to sleep through the night, as well how we will be transitioning him into sleeping in his own crib: Dr. Sears Night Weaning: 12 Alternatives for the All-Night Nurser. After giving me her advice to look up this article she added her personal commentary that she let her kids night wean on their own as she is a 'softy'. I exuberantly agreed that I am too- hence why my son is still sleeping in bed with me at 11 months old.

I mostly feel the need to move my son from my bed because of my husbands insistence on the matter. My feelings are torn in two directions. On one hand I want my bed back, I would love to be able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time and most importantly I don't want the slight panic attacks I have every time my son moves for fear that he will fall off the bed. On the other hand I want to be there to comfort him at night, I love rolling over and being able to see his handsome face while he sleeps and mostly it breaks my heart to hear him whimper because he has woken up in his crib and he has discovered I'm not in bed next to him. I think Dr. Sears sums up my feelings here:

Babies will wean and someday they will sleep through the night. This high maintenance stage of nighttime parenting will pass. The time in your arms, at your breast, and in your bed is a relatively short while in the life of a baby, yet the memories of love and availability last forever.

Nature can't be wrong. A human child is born with a strong dependence on their parents. They cannot walk on their own, cannot eat on their own, cannot communicate past crying and cannot defend themselves if need be. Children should be able to rely on at least one consistent care giver. This person provides a stability that a child needs. The idea of spoiling an infant is ludicrous.

People often associate un-attachment with independence. A child that has no one to rely on, to nurture them, and to comfort them is not 'independent'. Studies have proven that these children have a higher level of cortisol. When they grow up their levels remain high, so they turn into attention seeking adults or adults that engage in dangerous activities to satisfy themselves. More often than not society believes that a child that sits quietly, entertaining them self and that doesn't cry when their primary caregiver(s) leaves that it is a 'good' child. I run errands and go grocery shopping with my son at least 3 days a week. Almost every time we go out someone comments that he is such a great kid because he can sit quietly in the cart. On days that my son feels very chatty and while still sitting in the cart will try to engage people in conversation I get looks and glares like I should be punishing my child for making noise in public.

Society is full of parents that appear to be inconvenienced by their children. This whole mentality of it being easier to drop their child off at day care, or to let their child cry it out, or to formula feed out of pure convenience gives me an overwhelming sense of sadness. As parents it is our job to mold our children into productive, strong, intelligent adults. It is a real pain for me to have to vacuum my house while carrying my son because he is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, my son often wants to nurse at times that are virtually impossible, and I would LOVE to take a shower without little hands pulling my shower curtain down and yelling 'Mama!' every 10 seconds, but I realize I am a parent. If I am not present to provide comfort and stability for my son, I cannot also be present to discipline and teach my son.

As for my own situation and my need to transition my son from my bed into his own, I am going into it with the mentality that it will happen when it happens. If my son shows sign of excessive distress, of course we will slow down or try something new. I know I am doing the right thing by my son since he moves so much during the night and I would feel an immense amount of guilt if he were to fall off my already overly filled queen-sized bed. I also know that I have not 'screwed up' or damaged my child by allowing him to co-sleep for any length of time, instead, I have provided him with a stable foundation of love and trust that will allow him to become a well adjusted adult. As a first time mom I am learning as I go. Thankfully I have been able to trust in my instincts. By the same token, my son is not 'too attached', he too, is just following his instincts.

Crafting and Homemade Activities with an Infant

As stated before in my post about decorating my sons nursery, I am an avid crafter. I love art projects and getting my hands dirty. Since I come from a family of artistic people, I have searched for project ideas for my 11 month old son and I to do together. As a stay at home mom days can get repetitive, my son can get frustrated with boredom and I often get the itch to do something new, so I've complied some fun activities my son and I have played around with recently.

My son first attempted painting at 6 months old. I had read somewhere about mess free painting for babies. I was instantly intrigued and immediately set up the experiment. If you put a piece of paper and a few dollops of paint inside a large Ziploc baggie and seal it your child can smear the paint around without getting it everywhere! I lined up some paint bottles and let my son point to which colors he wanted (I limited it to three) and let him at it. My son had produced his first masterpiece! We repeated this process 2 more times so we could send some art off to Grandma and Grandpa. If you are okay with the mess or your baby is old enough why not try edible finger paints? Just add food coloring or Kool Aid powder to some applesauce, and voila!

A side project I started when my son was a newborn was foot and hand prints. Every month I take a stamped print of my sons hand and foot! I bought a non-toxic, washable ink pad before he was born in preparation of his arrival. I knew I wanted to take his prints, at least to send to family on thank you cards, birthday cards, Christmas cards, etc since he can't sign them for himself yet. Aside from sending his prints off in cards to family I have collected the prints in his baby book, on their own pieces of paper, so that if I find a cute idea somewhere on something fun to do with them I know I have them saved! This year for Christmas I plan to get some plain ornaments and making hand print snow men with my sons hand prints for the family!

My mom always comes up with the greatest ideas for sensory play activities with my son. On our last visit to her house she filled a large Tupperware container with sand and let my son filter it through different sized funnels and scoops. Aside from the one time he tried to eat the sand, this was wonderful play idea for my son. Not only did he love the texture of the sand but he was able to experiment with the funnels to see which one the sand moved through faster, which was slower and which scoop could dig up the most sand.

The most simple of activities for infants is: Bubbles! When I was young they came out with these marvelous edible bubbles- perfect for babies! I don't let my son eat them, but when they blow towards his face, or when he catches one and tries to put it in his mouth I found the edible bubbles caused less tears than the soapy tasting ones. The sensory positives from bubbles is outstanding, for something so simple.

Textures, smells, colors and sounds are so easily discovered by simply playing outside. Playing in the mud, in the sand, on the grass.The first time my son went to the beach he was hesitant to let his feet touch the sand. After 20 minutes sitting on the beach towel he found his courage to crawl off and explore the scenery. He fell in love with the feeling of sand between his toes. This same scene played out the first time he felt grass and the first time he was allowed to play in the mud. He practically runs now in every direction when I take him into our backyard- from the hard patio to the grass to the mud in the garden to the rubber mulch of the playground, each location offers him a little something different.

My mother used to work in a preschool and since having my son has told me all her little activity secrets. The preschool she worked at had a few requirements the children had to meet in order to move onto kindergarten. One of these requirements was being able to throw a ball. She taught my son how to toss a ball into a pile of blankets when he was about 5 months old. At 7 months I taught him how to throw it at our brick fireplace so that it would roll back to him. At 11 months old he now throws the tennis ball for his dog, Chuck when he wants him to play fetch. To make things interesting and to encourage him to practice this activity he has acquired quite a collection of balls- big bouncy ones, small ones that light up, tennis balls, and those sensory balls with the bumps on them. With each one my son has to adjust his throw or how he plays with it. It's really neat to watch him figure out how to get the ball into the air.

Noise makers and floaty bottles are cheap, easy and incredibly entertaining for baby. I have filled empty water bottles with beads to make noise makers, taped two containers together to make bongos and put sparkles in water filled bottles to make sparkley shakers. My husband even handed me an old, empty pill bottle the other day that he filled with pebbles for our son to shake. In a bind, if my son is fussy at the grocery store I've been known to hand him a half filled tic-tac container from my purse to entertain him. Seriously, these is the easiest and cheapest toys you can make that will also give your baby the chance to learn that shaking it makes noise or makes glitter float, or that hitting the containers makes a thunk sound and beads can be wonderfully colorful.

Play with Jello, make edible Playdough, put bubbles in the bath tub, try bath crayons, make a box fort! There are so many simple activities and ideas out there for you and infant. My son and I find something new to do everyday- even for just a moment, to break up the monotony. These are some of my favorite moments and will cherish them forever!

Boys vs. Girls: Early Development

When I was pregnant I signed up for weekly emails from dozens of well known websites. I loved receiving these short quips of information every week telling me about my baby's development inside the womb. Since my sons birth last October I started receiving monthly emails from these same websites with insight into what my son would soon be learning and achieving as wells as tips on how to encourage his growth and progress. About a month ago the email I was sent really interested me and reminded me of some studies I had read while in school a while back. The email contained only one small tidbit of information about how boys are less drawn to playing with stuffed toys than girls. I had noticed my son would play more enthusiastically with his trucks and toy balls, and only occasionally tossed around his soft toys. Out of curiosity I decided to do more research on the topic.

Psychologist have determined that boys are quicker at figuring out mechanical motion. This was something that I noticed with my son, Nathan. When given the choice to play with blocks and play with his stroller he was all over the stroller. In fact every stroller he sees he has to inspect. He will get down on the floor and check out the wheels, he will push the stroller to watch the wheels move and then repeat the process. Today Nathan watched me mow the lawn, later when he was allowed outside to play in the grass he immediately went for the lawn mower and was trying to push it forward like he had seen me doing earlier. Since he has been given so many opportunities to play with thing with wheels he now assumes that anything that has them will move for him if enough force is put behind it; The other day he was not happy that my husbands cooler would not move when he pushed it, despite checking and double checking that it did , in fact, have wheels. My husband and I nurture this ability by taking him to drag races, mud bogs, off road races (anything with cars- it's a family hobby, and my son seems to enjoy it already) as well as allowing him to explore items both typical and a-typical for a child (ie. toy trucks, toy balls, his stroller, the vacuum cleaner, etc.)

Boys are actually more emotional. They seem to be harder to self sooth. Boys tend to be more easily distressed than girls and actually cry more than girls do. When I was pregnant I had all these thoughts on the 'type of parent' I would be. When my son was born and was instantly a clinger, a crier and a lot more needy than I had anticipated I was stunned. My husband still doesn't seem to understand it, whereas I have come to accept that this was the way my son is. I have learned to put a word to my sons feeling- 'I know you're frustrated', 'I know you're tired', 'I know you're mad'. I hope teaching him how to express himself verbally will help cut down on the fits and bursts of tears.

Interestingly enough boys have been found to be comparatively more fearless. My son may cry because I have walked out of the room, and fears I won't come back, but if I turn my back for one second he is on top of the fireplace, the coffee table, has pushed his stroller over to the bookshelf and is now climbing up it, or any other number of dangerous activities. Because of his interest in mechanics he learned how to open the baby gates after them only being up 2 weeks, and I have found him at the top of the staircase laughing his little butt off at me yelling 'DON'T MOVE!' as I rush to grab him before he head dives. It baffles me that my son is such an emotional being, and yet his fear of danger or injury seems to be non-existent.

Boys are typically more physically active than girls. They are wigglers and squirmmers making diaper changes and sitting still harder for boys. (This also plays a part in why boys tend to potty train later than girls- it's harder to get them to sit and wait.) Apparently this difference can start in the womb, as it has been noted that boy fetus' move around more. Nathan was so active in the womb that I told my husband if it was possible to diagnose an unborn child with ADHD that my son would be the prime candidate. Since his birth he has sat still a total of maybe 3 hours a day... Heck, he even crawls in his sleep!

Little boys tend to show more aggressiveness than little girls. It is assumed that testosterone is the culprit here. The funny thing though is that by grade school age girls are more likely to throw temper tantrums with the full blown kicking and screaming. I guess the most important thing is to teach the child 'No' and what the limits and boundaries are. My son, Nathan has hit the phase where throwing his toys and hitting the dogs is highly entertaining, but my husband and I have set our limits: 'It is OK to throw the ball, just not at my face.' and 'You can pat the dog, but you need to be gentle'.

Girls tend to be capable of talking earlier than boys. Their vocabulary is often larger by by 18-24 months. The important thing here is to make sure your child, no matter their age, is exposed to language and expression frequently. Before my son was born I did research into baby sign language and found that children seem to have a reduced case of the 'terrible twos' if they are able to express their needs and wants earlier. Through sign language my son was able to tell me he wanted to nurse by 7 months, and now at 11 months can tell me when he is 'All Done' with his meal or bath or what have you, along with numerous other signs and word phrases. I made sure to familiarize my son with the the most useful words and signs at every chance that presented itself. I can ask him if he needs a diaper change and he can tell me yes! Not only am I setting him up for successful potty training, but I'm teaching him to express himself in hopes of avoiding too much of the tantrum phase.

While these are not the case for every child out there, I can see where my son fits into these categories to a 'T'. When my son took to playing with toy trucks and pushing them around making the typical 'vroom-vroom' sounds I laughed at how 'cliche' and typical my boy seems. I suppose now this assumption was actually incredibly accurate as he fits the mold of what psychologist's research shows a boys activities, behaviors and developmental milestones should be for his age. That's not to say I will steer my boy towards only playing with toys and activities typically assigned just to his gender, but it appears his tastes just fall into that category for now. Babies are not easy no matter the gender, so I can't say I have a preference of one sex over another for my children. I feel extremely blessed to have my son, and to have a child I can play in the mud with and wouldn't trade him for the world. We will just have to see what our family is blessed with in the future... perhaps a little sister for Nathan?

Breastfeeding: My Support System

I was lucky enough to have given birth at a wonderful hospital that is very pro-breast feeding and refused to release me from the hospital until I made an appointment with the lactation consultant for 3 days out. Thank goodness for this, as by the third day my son did nothing but scream every hour of the day. As it turns out my milk still had not come in and my poor son had lost 11% of his body weight. He shrunk down to a wrinkly, little 5 lbs, 11 oz. The lactation consultant didn't bat an eye and hooked my son and I up to a tube and syringe full of formula so we could supplement at the breast. She sent us home with an insane amount of formula and a handful of syringes, where my husband and mother helped me feed my son- since this took more hands than I come equipped with.

I felt incredibly broken. I desperately wanted to provide my son with the best nourishment, but my breasts just didn't work. Thankfully, about 3 days later my milk finally came in, making both a happy child and happy mom. By my sons 2 week check up he was up to 6 lbs, 1 oz and by his one month check up he was up to a whopping 7 lbs, 10 oz.

I felt an incredible bond with my son during our breastfeeding sessions, and felt empowered by my ability to provide the best start I could for my child. As I felt more confident in my choice and ability to breastfeed I watched my support system slowly deteriorate.

My mother claims to have breastfed both my sister and I when we were infants. She was a great help in the beginning. When my son was a newborn she was helping to place the feeding tubes in his mouth while I placed him on my breast.  Interestingly enough she began to make comments starting around when my son hit the 6 month mark. I have heard numerous times that I should stop because he's old enough, or because he can pull my shirt down in an attempt to nurse on his own or because he has teeth.

My sons pediatrician, Dr. A, was my biggest supporter when I first told him my plans to breastfeed. At my sons appointments through 6 months of age his doctor would compliment me and give me a much needed boost with comments like 'Great Job, Mama.' At my sons 9 month appointment, however, the doctors tone changed. He asked me how long we planned on breastfeeding for and I said 'Not past 2 years- that's my limit'. The doctors eyes got wide and his face scrunched with disgust at the thought of me breastfeeding over a year and *Gulp* possibly to two years!

My husbands initial reactions to hearing my plans to breastfeed were positive. He was pro-breastfeeding for our son, so I assumed his support would be continuous. I don't think he knew how often my son would need to eat, and that sometimes it would need to happen in public. My husband wanted to go out to eat with his friends for his birthday; my son and I spent almost the whole evening in my truck as my husband had asked me to breastfeed in there instead of at the table where his friends could see. Anytime my son would cry my husband would blame it on my faulty breasts and tell me just to make him a bottle. I heard numerous times for the first 9 months or so that I should just give my son bottles as it would be 'easier'. My husband comments that my son is too attached, in part due to the breastfeeding. When I told my husband my initial goal was to make it to a year breastfeeding he assumed that meant I would cut my son off, cold turkey at 12 months. When I informed him that I plan to let my son self-wean off the breast he was somewhat shocked.

My father in law has surprisingly been the only support I have that hasn't dwindled. Admittedly the times I had to breastfeed at his home were awkward for me, but he always comments that it's the best thing I can do for my son. I have even over heard him telling my husband about the benefits of it. My in laws have been great, and don't even bat an eye at me whipping my boob out for my son.

From the start I have had  and sought out a support system for myself. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and I knew it would  be smart for me to get the support from other mothers in my position, and whom share my beliefs. I found my local La Leche League and started attending meetings when I was only 6 months pregnant. My son has grown up with some of these children. It is great having a group of women that are comfortable enough to breastfeed their child as they need, as well as a place to vent, ask for advice and where I can learn while my son plays. Along with the La Leche League meetings, my son and I have visited the Baby Cafe and have spent time with a wonderful lactation consultant and a fantastic group of mothers. When my family support system started to collapse I still had (and have to this day) the support I have built up around me from mothers and professionals.

To be honest there have been times where I have wondered if bottles and formula would be easier, but the bond I share with my son, and the looks he gives me while staring up at me make me incredibly proud of myself for continuing as long as I have. An infants nourishment comes from breast milk or formula for the first 12 months of their life and we have almost made it to this precipice. At only 2 days shy of 11 months old my son shows no signs of giving up nursing entirely as of yet. He loves trying new foods and being able to feed himself at meal times, but nothing beats the comfort of curling up on Mommy's lap and nursing.

Gender Selection

My husband and I dated for 5 years before getting married. We were married for 2 years before we decided to try for a family. In this time we had many conversations about the future and our day dreams about our future children. I never saw myself having boys, and feared not knowing how to raise one. My husband felt the same about girls, as I feel is typical for most men. As time grew closer to when starting a family was a soon to be reality my husband talked about his fantasy of having 2 kids- and no matter the gender of the second child, the first would be a boy, so that the younger sibling would always have a 'big brother' to look over them. I was immediately in love with this idea, and hoped this would be a reality for us.

I had heard about sex selection or gender selection before, mostly as it pertained to IVF couples, but was not aware that there were people that practiced a method of having intercourse just certain times of the month in hopes of conceiving one gender over another. Through my research I discovered that this method is known as the Shettles Method. The Shettles Method was developed by Landrum B. Shettles and published in his book How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby.

The thought behind this method is that the Y-chromosome carrying sperm (boy) is faster and smaller than that of the X-chromosome carrying sperm (girl). The X-chromosome carrying sperm is also believed to be able to survive in acidic environments for longer than that of the Y-chromosome carrying sperm. In short, depending on the desired gender one can influence conception of a certain gender in their favor by timing intercourse with ovulation.

I spent some time reading personal accounts of people explaining whether the method had worked for them, and what other 'strategies' they used in attempting to conceive the desired gender for their child. The effectiveness of the method is widely debated both among the medical community and those trying to conceive (Shettles claims that is method for a boy holds a success rate of 80-85% and the method for a girl is a little less at 75-80% effectiveness.). In order to try and 'boost' their chances women have coupled the Shettles method with numerous other methods, beliefs and strategies. Many of the women I read about are having sex using certain positions, deciding beforehand whether to achieve orgasm during sex, having their husbands wear boxers vs. tight underwear and avoiding hot showers, and/or completely changing both their husbands diets as well as their own.

I felt a tad uncomfortable with the amount of women seeking one gender over another. I, myself, was simply curious about the possibilities, but knew that I would be blessed to conceive a child no matter the gender. There was no way I wanted to take the fun out of intimacy with my husband, not to mention there was no way I could convince him to change his underwear style, to avoid taking hot showers and especially would not have been able to coax him into changing his diet in hopes of becoming pregnant with one gender over another.

In 2010 I came off of birth control. My husband had enlisted in the military, and was scheduled to be gone for nearly two years. In that time I became aware of my body, tracked my cycles and learned the signs of ovulation. Had my husband been home we could have easily used the Natural Family Planning method of birth control. (The Natural Family Planning method of birth control is where a woman tracks her cycles and knows what specific days each month to avoid sex or use some sort of barrier method of birth control to prevent pregnancy.) When my husband came home, we did not chance it and continued to use birth control until we decided it was time to start trying for a family.

As luck would have it, and I believe mostly due to me spending so much time getting to know my body and my cycles, we conceived the first month we tried. I can still tell you I ovulated on January 28th, 2012, from my right ovary. (Strange, right?)

Every woman, when they find out they are pregnant, starts wondering the gender of their child before the urine on their pregnancy test is dry. The wonder and desire to know starts to eat at a woman, causing her to test out even the strangest of old wives tales. I admit that when I was pregnant I took all the online 'Gender Predictor tests', checked the Chinese gender chart with both my lunar age and birth age, and I even went so far as to pee in a cup full of baking soda (if it fizzes, it's supposed to mean you're pregnant with a boy). What really stuck with me though was one study that could determine with up to 97.5% accuracy the gender of a fetus in utero.

This study found that 97.5% of fetuses that implanted on the right side of the uterus were boys, likewise those that implanted on the left were girls. (The thing to remember for pregnant women looking to test the accuracy of this study, if your sonogram is done vaginally the picture is 'flipped'.) What the study didn't talk about is whether or not this could be influenced by which ovary the woman ovulates from during the month of conception. For example, I knew I ovulated from my right ovary the month I conceived my son and my first ultrasound showed that he implanted on the right side of my uterus. Are the two interconnected? I am just a stay at home mom with a computer, I am in no way a scientist or an expert in conception, but my theory is that the fertilized egg is more likely to implant on the side that it is ovulated from. According to Google I am not the only person to wonder this, but there are no studies to be found.

In relation to my own pregnancy: I ovulated from my right side, my baby implanted on the right side, and is in fact 100% boy. I knew I had gotten pregnant January 28th, and I assumed that because of the timing of our intercourse, as well as which side I ovulated on that I was pregnant with a boy. So wouldn't a woman essentially be able to use this as another form of gender selection? Maybe I'll give it a whirl in a year or so when my husband and I try for our second child. We've tossed around the fantasy of having a little girl to complete our family, so fingers crossed I ovulate from my left ovary when the time comes. Either way, we will be blessed to have another wonderful child of our own when the time is right.

Crafting and Nursery Decorating

I come from a family of artistic people. My Grandmother used to make all of us grandkids beautiful personalized t-shirts. My dad used to amaze me with his pumpkin carving, canvas painting and beach sand sculpting skills. My sister is an fantastic painter and cook. As for me, I pride myself in my sewing, scrap booking, and baking. In short- I love crafting and creating.

When I found out I was pregnant I was overcome with excitement in planning my child's nursery and planning all of the things I could make for them. By the time I was 5 months pregnant I was essentially done creating the nursery.

I was looking online for ideas and at examples of other nurseries, when I spotted these beautiful birch tree wall designs. I immediately ordered some, threw on a face mask and painted one wall of the nursery a light grey color. I knew I wanted the color scheme to be black, white, and grey with an accent color. I chose red for a boy, and pink for a girl. When I found out I was having a boy, the red birds were added to the birch trees along with other accent pieces, like the rug and a red blanket for my rocking chair.

    

I am in love with how my sons nursery turned out. Some things have changed and lots has been added to it since his arrival. The changing table has moved downstairs, and the dresser now serves dual purpose as a dresser and changing table. There is a bookcase where the changing table once sat, and my sons collection of toys and books has taken over the shelves. My son loves to play in his room, and naps peacefully in it during the day. Hopefully one day soon he will be sleeping through the night in there. 

Before my sons arrival I set out to make him a couple handmade items for him to use, and cherish. First on my list was a teddy bear. His crib bedding is black minky fabic. I found the same fabric at my local craft store in both black and red and I found a sewing pattern online, that I printed and copied onto the fabric with ease. For my first time making a stuffed bear, it turned out wonderfully, and matches my sons room decor beautifully. 

My favorite project thus far that I made for my son is his monster blanket. 

While visiting my mother is San Diego she took me to her favorite local fabric store. While there I found this adorable fabric with monsters printed on it. I paired it with a red polka-dot fabric for the backing and created this whimsical blanket. My son used it for tummy time when he was real little, and uses it now as a nap time blanket. 

Long story short, I have enjoyed the opportunity to make and craft things for my son to use and enjoy. I have a few more projects in mind, and am waiting to find enough down time to tackle them. 

Having Children While in the Military

When I announced my pregnancy on Facebook I was met with an almost overwhelming amount of congratulations. Out of all my excited family and friends there was only one person that felt inclined to voice a negative opinion. This person was a friend for a short time when I was 14 or 15 years old, but was hardly someone I was close with. Our friendship was off and on due to his blatant rudeness and seemingly inability to filter his thoughts before speaking. When I made my announcement he felt inclined to state his opinions on military persons having children while active duty. Long story short he believed active duty military personnel should not have kids because of the deployments and risks involved in the job. I argued my case against this, and have hardly said two words to the person since- it's just not worth my time. I knew what was right for my family and my husband and I discussed all possibilities before deciding to have children.

One of his arguments against having children while in the military was that the children would be raised entirely by the parent back home during a deployment. If by 'raised' he means that only one parent will be consistently present at home, then yes the child will be raised by one parent during deployments. What is entirely incorrect with this statement though is that with today's technology deployed parents are making themselves present in their children's lives while overseas. Between Skype, emails, voice recordings, letters, packages and phone calls deployed parents are still able to converse with their kids in some cases on a daily basis. If a parent chooses to be involved in their child's life while overseas, they will do what they can to make it so. Here's the thing, just because I would be home and thus the only disciplinarian here while my husband is overseas, doesn't mean that any teaching and guidance my husband has put forth into raising our child would go out the window upon him leaving. My husband and I 'back' each other in raising our son and would never under mind the other when it comes to parenting. My son would know that dad would be getting updates on his behavior, as well as mom would be holding up dad's rules while he is gone. My husband would still be helping to raise our son.

His next argument against military persons having children was that the children would resent their parent for their career choice. Couldn't this be the case no matter what their parents choose? There are jobs parents could have that might embarrass a child, jobs that might disgust a child, there may even be parents that are seemingly unemployable or those that embarrass a child because they would rather live off the government. A child whose parent is in the military is more likely to have a sense of pride in their parent than to place a negative connotation toward them for their choice on employment. Their mother or father does a job that only one half of one percent of Americans can claim to have done. at one point in time. Military families raise their children with pride in military service. The only reason I could think that a child may resent their parents job as a military service member is because of the time required away from the family. As stated in my last point, if a person decides to make contact with their family a priority, and the children are informed and educated about the job their parent is doing, then resentment should be at a minimum.

Lastly, the only other argument presented to me as to why my husband and I should not have kids while my husband was in the military was that the constant moving can be hard on kids. I had heard this argument before. If my husband were to chose to make a career of the military then we would move a few more times, for sure. Moving can be great for kids: it can teach them how to be outgoing and to make new friends, it can introduce them to a different culture or lifestyle, and where the military seems to be different than elsewhere is that friendships tend to be stronger because of the bond that civilians may not understand. I went to high school in a military town, and my friends are still in contact with and visit regularly with the friends they made all over the world at their parents various duty stations. Also, what a lot of civilians don't understand is that when re-enlisting there is an option for a member to choose to stay where they are currently stationed (stabilization). The military loves when members chose to do this as it costs the military to move its soldiers, not to mention the soldiers are already familiar with the flow of their current unit. So this is an option if members and their families like where they are located. It is really up to the parents to teach their children to view moving as a positive experience.

Deployments present challenges to the spouse with having to take care of the regular daily activities as well as anything the deployed spouse may have been responsible for taking care of while home. It is not an easy role to play, but is by no means an impossible one. My husband and I discussed everything, every detail, before deciding to start a family. Since we would be trying for our first we were aware that a lot would be learn-as-we-go, but we trusted in the strength of our relationship to get us through the tough times. We are aware that the mentality our children would have toward my husbands job in the military is based entirely on the way they are taught to perceive the job. If he were old enough I know my son would have pride in my husbands choice to serve, and my husband would make communicating with my son a priority if deployed.

As for my husbands employment with the military, it will be coming to an end in a years time, so my infant son will have no real recollection of my husbands time in service. Was it a bad decision to have my son while my husband was in the military? No it was not.

Nathan's New Convertible Car Seat

I have been waiting to buy my son, Nathan, a convertible car seat until the trade in event at Babies R Us. As of yesterday I couldn't wait any longer. So, I scooped up Nathan, loaded him into his infant car seat for the last time and we headed to the store. I had done research for MONTHS trying to decided which was the right car seat for us, so I knew exactly what I was looking for; all I had to do was decide on which color scheme to go with.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I did very little research before buying his infant seat. As a first time mom I had no idea what features I needed, or where to find safety standards. I remember looking at customer reviews on pages like Amazon, but infant car seats all seemed relatively the same to me. His car seat and stroller were the first 'baby' things my husband and I bought simply because they were on sale when purchased together. We ended up with the Baby Trend Expedition ELX Travel System. 

 

(Only ours is green, not purple)

It was a killer deal, served it's purpose and thankfully we never had to test the durability of the car seat in any accidents of any kind. I decided I wanted to make sure our next car seat was the right one for my son as he will be using it for the next couple years.

My search for the perfect car seat commenced. My criteria for a good car seat were that it had to be usable ideally from birth to 100-110 lbs, high safety ratings, good customer reviews, relatively inexpensive and preferably easily installed.

Nathan and I travel to see my mother out of state often, so she decided to buy a convertible car seat for when we visit. She and I are very like minded- at least as far as the need to research important purchases like this. My mom purchased the Britax Advocate 70-G3.

The safety specs on the seat are amazing, that's for sure. My son loves that car seat, as do I, but there were a few things that took it off my list for a car seat to purchase for daily use at home. The installation factor was a dislike for me- it's just not as fast and as easy as I wanted in a car seat that we would be using daily. My second reason this seat was not for us is that it only holds up to 70 lbs. I really wanted to avoid purchasing a 'booster' seat, as it's just more money down the road. Lastly, this seat is expensive. Comparatively speaking it's about $50 more than the seat I eventually purchased, and if it only lasts up to 70 lbs, the cost of having to buy a booster seat was a turn off for me.

My final decision was the Evenflo Symphony 65 DLX (also refereed to as the e3) in 'Brady' (tan).

I am in love with this car seat- as is my son. As you can see by the stamp in the picture it is the number 1 rated car seat by Consumer Magazine. The reviews on it were outstanding. The cost was very do-able with our budget, especially considering we will not have to buy a booster seat unless we decide at a later date that we need one as the seat grows with the child and holds up to 110 lbs! It installs in less than 60 seconds, and I can trust that it is secure. And of course, the most important factor in buying a car seat, the safety specs were outstanding. This seat securely holds my sons head in place, which is great for us as we are a family of off road racers, so we wanted a seat that my husband and I felt was secure enough to take my son on trails with in on the weekends.

The hard question for yesterdays shopping expedition was simply- do I get it in tan to match the interior of my Tahoe, or do I get it in grey? 

Things They Don't Teach New Moms: Sleep Crawling

At 8 1/2 months old my son woke me up one night by crawling on my head. There is nothing like waking up to a knee in your eye socket. When I lifted him off my face to see why he was doing such a thing I saw his eyes were shut tight, and he was in fact sleep crawling. I had never heard of this before. My husband is a sleep walker, so I've seen that plenty of times, but I had no idea an infant could sleep crawl.

This scared me. I was afraid of him potentially crawling off my bed head first in the middle of the night, but despite every attempt to get him to sleep on his own he just wouldn't do it. Besides this obvious worry I was nervous that this behavior was not 'normal'.

I turned to 'Google'- and new mom's best friend (and worst enemy, depending on the circumstances). Aside from one article that briefly mentioned sleep crawling, there was nothing but forum after forum of moms asking if their child's behavior was normal, if there was something they could do, and what the best way to protect their child from hurting themself during their sleep crawling might be.

At my sons 9 month appointment with his pediatrician I made sure to mention this new sleep pattern. I told Dr. A that Nathan had begun to sleep crawl and asked if this was okay. His reaction was anticlimactic: "He's dreaming just like you and I do." And that was it.

So, the reasoning behind my sons sleep crawling was that he was dreaming. That answered my 'why' but not the 'how do I protect him' or the 'will he grow out of this' questions.

As for his protection, I am a very light sleeper. I wake up in a heartbeat when anyone shifts in  my bed- I have learned to function on very little sleep because of this. Since we are in the process of transitioning my son from our bed into his own crib, his crib has been outfitted with bumpers to keep him from banging his head into the bars like he has done before. The only other issue we have during these 'episodes' is that his arms or legs have been known to fly between the bars on his crib. The bumpers have helped keep this problem down to a minimum, but other than this I am at a loss as to what else I can do to keep this from happening. When he is in our bed, I 'put up' with his flaying and kicking, and on a positive note it has pushed me to transition him into his own crib faster.

The answer to the big question: will he grow out of this, is a big question mark. Research suggests that children that have one parent who sleep walks have a 45% chance of also sleep walking. If both sleep walk, the children have up to a 60% chance. I have never had an issue with this, but as I mentioned before, my husband has always had issues with sleep walking. I guess it is a relatively common occurrence for children, and occurrences peak between 4-8 years old, so I have years and years to look forward to dealing with this.

My son is just one of millions to that sleep crawls, so now I can rest assured that he is in fact 'normal'... At least as far as the sleep crawling is concerned.

Strollers... What's the Big Deal?

A friend of mine posted on Facebook yesterday a picture of her daughter in a new stroller she bought. She confessed to now owning 6 strollers, including a double stroller when she only has the one child (and no plans for any others). I can somewhat understand her reasoning that different strollers can make different situations or locations easier- if I'm going to the zoo I'd rather bring a jogging stroller or 'large' stroller, whereas if I am popping into a store I'd rather have a lightweight or umbrella stroller. Sure, fine. But 6?!

My son and I went to the used baby item store last week to pick him up some clothes for the impending change in weather. Every time I have gone into this store in the last 7-8 months I have checked out what strollers they have in hopes of finding a lightweight stroller with a basket, perhaps that reclined. I found one! Finally! The tag on it said they wanted $90 for it, which I thought was insanely steep, but I had been looking for so long and it had everything (and more) than I had wanted. My son made the decision for me when he started walking away with it toward the other end of the store. I gave in and bought it, but made sure to use my 20% off coupons and ended up paying just $100 for 3 shirts, 2 jeans, a sweatshirt, 3 pajamas and this stroller. (Not bad!)

I recognized the brand name on this stroller while at the store, which really is what pushed me toward taking it home with us, but what I discovered when I did a little 'Googling' at home was shocking. This stroller was only 1 of 1000 produced, originally selling for $400 each and selling now, in 'OK' condition for $600! For a stroller?!



Forgive me if I am missing something , but I just cannot wrap my head around why anyone would spend a substantial amount of money ($400-600) on a stroller. According to my research, these strollers come with a lifetime warranty, and if it needs work done MacLaren will come pick it up and lend you a 'rental' stroller in the meantime. This among other small perks and quirks make this stroller so much more expensive than others I have found, including four reclining positions, four wheel independent suspension and a 99% UV protective viewing window in the hood.

When I presented this information to my husband, without batting an eyelash, he told me to sell it. "Sell it, take the money and buy a 'cheapy' stroller to use." But I had been looking for almost 8 months, and this was the first one that fit my needs! So, a week later, I still have it, and have used it twice now. Admittedly my heart jumps anytime it gets a little dirty, but I still have the mentality that it's 'just a stroller'.

I posted on my Facebook page about having purchased this stroller and finding it ironic that I was too scared to use it in case something happened to it. A friend of mine (different from the one that now owns 6 strollers) commented asking what kind of stroller it was as 'unique strollers are always intriguing' to her.

I suppose the intrigue in high end, unique or 1 in 1000 strollers is something that interests some people, but is lost on me. I have never been into shoes, designer anything, and LOVE bargain shopping; strollers just don't do it for me. But throw me into the clearance section at Target with a handful of coupons and I'm willing to throw an elbow or two in order to get what catches my eye.

Doggie!

My son can say 4 words and 2 sentences: 'Mama', 'Dada', 'Bath', 'Dog', 'I did it!', and 'All done!'. Of these the one most often used is 'Dog'. My house is a zoo, dog hair is my nemesis, but these dogs are my sons favorite playmates.

My husband has a pitbull. I know, I know, how dare I bring a pitbull around my child?! The stigma attached to the breed is horrendous, but Molly is my 12 year old sweetheart. Molly's previous owners had kids, and she tolerated the abuse from them for years with a smile on her face and a wag of her tail. The dogs I was a tad concerned about were my two wiener/chihuahua mixes. These dogs showed up at my house the day before I found out I was pregnant, and despite looking for their owner and not being able to find someone who was willing to give them a good home together, they've become part of our family. I only had 9 months to get to know these pups, and was worried that their hyperactive behavior and slight food aggressiveness would pose as problems with an infant.

As luck would have it all three dogs adjusted well. Molly would cower when my son would cry as though she thought she did something to cause it, so she spent the first couple months Nathan was home hiding in her dog bed in my bedroom. The bigger of the who wiener dogs, Chuck Norris, took to Nathan quickly and has been by his side since day 1. Chuck is now Nathan's dog and partner in crime. The littlest of the dogs, Bruce Lee, is still occasionally oblivious to the fact that he is no longer 'the baby' and that sitting on, sleeping on, or licking my sons face is a 'no-no'. Bruce has learned to love Nathan for the simple fact that he drops food.

Before my son, before my husband and I were married, back when I was 18 and living on my own I thought it would be a great idea to get a dog to keep me company. I went to numerous animal shelters before I found what I thought was the perfect puppy. He was a black and white Belgian Malinois whom I named Rufio. This dog HATED my husband, then boyfriend. He would bark at, bite and chase him on a daily basis. For 5 years my husband was attacked by this dog. We tried everything short of euthanizing or sending him back to a shelter.

When my husband and I married I was finally faced with having to make a decision regarding the dog. My dogs and I had been living with my mother while my husband was overseas. While there Rufio took to my mother like I had never seen him do with anyone before. I decided that if my husband and I were going to get rid of the one stressor in our life, and if we ever wanted children, I would have to part with my dog. My mother was at a point in her life that the companionship of Rufio was a perfect fit for her, so when my husband and I moved to Texas we left the dog behind. (My mother and the dog are attached at the hip now, and she has done wonders with the dog- more than I could have or was ever able to.)

I had the foresight to know I would not have been able to bring a child into a home with a dog as unpredictable and angry as he was.

Growing up I was taught that pets were part of the family- they were actual family members. Pets were not something you brought home on a whim and when things became inconvenient you got rid of them. Leaving Rufio with my mother was incredibly heartbreaking, but I knew he would be well taken care of. Before I had my son my pets were just one notch below my husband on my priority list. When I brought my son home from the hospital my priorities shifted; my son is number 1. I love my dogs very much, and they are still members of my family, but if faced with a choice where my son would benefit in us rehoming our pets I would do it for him.

Your children's well being should be above anything or anyone else- above yourself, your pets and even your spouse. I personally believe you should be willing to make this adjustment before deciding to have children.

Co-Sleeping and Mom Worries

There are women everywhere who categorize their parenting styles to a 'T'. An attachment parenting group attempted to recruit me one day when I was visiting my local Baby Cafe (the greatest place on earth for a nursing mom). The idea of making friends with other moms, and finally finding a play group sounded great until I read the brochure. I just couldn't commit to ALL their ideals, so I had to pass. I may not fit into one specific category, but I know what makes me feel most comfortable and I do what I feel is best for my son. My biggest problem, however, is figuring out where to draw the line and how to progressively create a more independent child.

My son and I co-sleep. It was easiest for us when he was a newborn as he was nursing 24/7, so if I wanted sleep the only way I was going to get it was to sleep in a position where my breasts were easily accessible for my infant. I have always been a light sleeper which meant I never actually found myself in a deep sleep until a good solid 6 months after he was born- and that was only a couple times during naps on the couch while my son napped in his crib.

When my son was 3 months old a store opened up in town that you could buy and sell good quality, used baby items. I still spend at least an hour every two weeks wandering the isles in search of a good deal, and trading in my sons old clothes for new ones (he grows so fast!). It was at this store that I came across a 'co-sleeper' that attached to my bed so he had his own area, I had mine, but he was still within an arms reach. Admittedly he would still sleep in my bed majority of the time since my breast was no where near close enough to reach his mouth while he was laying in it. When my son started standing up on his own we had to retire the co-sleeper for fear that he would climb out and onto the floor in the middle of the night.

At 8 months a pack-n-play was put up in our bedroom. To this day my son has slept maybe 12 hours in it. He refuses to fall asleep on his own still, and wakes up 95% of the time that I try to transfer him into it to sleep on his own. I have this internal battle of wanting to sleep without my son twisting and kicking me in the forehead at night, and wanting to make sure he is OK and breathing every 15 seconds when I feel the urge to check.

So what is the solution?

My husband recommends putting my son in his own bedroom, shutting the door and letting my son cry his eyes out until he falls asleep on his own. Not only does this idea make my heart ache, but I know that my son is not one to give in. The few times I needed to walk away to take a breather and I let him cry, he did not give up. We've been in the car with my son before late at night and instead of just falling asleep he screamed and screamed and screamed for a hour until I begged my husband to pull over and let me nurse my son just to have a second of reprieve. The crying continued as soon as he went back in his car seat and persisted for another hour until we made it home.

What other options do we have? Let him sleep in my bed until he's 3? No thanks. Not only would that be terrible for my sex life for an exceedingly long time, but if my son keeps doing this 'sleep crawling' thing I will never sleep without a foot in my face or a butt in my rib cage.

Realistically I know I need to revamp my sons whole night time routine. Sure, the bath time and teeth brushing time can stay, but he needs to start putting himself to sleep. As soon as we manage that I am sure we could work something out for the middle of the night feeding he still requires wherein I can get up, nurse him and put him back in his own bed. But how do I accomplish this without the battle?'

I've done a lot of research to find an answer, but I'm afraid there is no 'one size fits all' solution. I do not believe in the cry it out method, since my child has shown his anxiety level raises so much when we have tried this that it backfires into keeping him awake for longer. So I guess I have to get creative. Today I will be bringing his actual crib down from his room and assembling it in my bedroom. I have a few reasons I want to try this:
1. He will nap in his crib during the day with little to no issues. Even when he wakes up from his nap he is content to play quietly until I come to retrieve him.
2. When I attempt to move him from my bed to the pack n play at night the jostling and lowering it takes to get him into it wakes him to an almost wide awake and panic state. His crib mattress, while lowered to keep him from climbing out, is still higher off the ground than the pack n play, so less balancing him on my arms is necessary to lower him into place.
3. Once we get him adjusted to sleeping in his own bed, he'll be used to the routine happening with his crib involved. When we are ready to move him to his own bedroom, his bed will go with and he will at least have that comfort during the transition.

I hope to give him his bath tonight, nurse him until he almost out and transferring him to his crib. I may have to pick him back up a million times until he is ready to sleep on his own, but I am coming to the conclusion that giving up a couple nights sleep for a new routine where I get my own bed in the end may be worth it.

Wish me luck- and lots of magical sand from the sandman!

Things They Don't Teach New Moms: Teeth and Lip Tie

At almost 11 months old my son has 6 beautiful baby teeth. His lower central incisors came in first, the right side at 5 1/2 months and the left at 6 months. At 8 months his top central incisors came in, followed by his upper lateral incisors at 10 months. With the amount of drool he has been producing lately I believe the next couple teeth will make their appearance soon.

My son has been brushing his own teeth since he was 4 months old. He would sit in my bathroom at night watching me get ready for bed and would intently watch me brush my teeth. Since he was starting the 'everything in the mouth' stage I figured it would do no harm to give him his own toothbrush to chew on. This became part of his nightly routine, and has now learned to manipulate his toothbrush in a brushing motion. My son has developed a love for brushing his teeth to the point that when mine, or my husbands brush is within his reach it's going in his mouth.

Before my sons front teeth came in I noticed he had a bit of a lip tie. Out of curiosity I searched my husbands mouth to find that he also had a small lip tie. I have one too, which caused me to have a gap between my adult front teeth. (I fixed this gap with small rubber bands, but I had a gap none the less.)

My sons lip tie has caused no problems nursing, which was a blessing, but as his baby teeth started coming through I noticed a gap. Through research I have discovered that my sons lip tie is a level III, so it reaches to the lower part of his gum between his front teeth, but not back toward the roof of his mouth. I know that the likelihood that his adult teeth will come in with a gap is high since the gap he has now is caused by the lip tie. From my own experience though and considering I was able to fix my own gap at a young age, I see no reason to seek treatment for my son.

The treatment for lip ties varies by the severity. There is an option to have it surgically cut either with scissors or laser, but this is usually reserved for children that show difficulty breastfeeding, eating or speaking.

On a positive note, it has been theorized that children whose baby teeth come in with gaps and spaces will have more room for their adult teeth when they finally emerge. Not to mention it appears as though 40% of children have gaps between their teeth when they first come in- so it's perfectly normal!

The big thing is to teach kids oral hygiene at a young age- this includes flossing as soon as the first molars arrive. Toothpaste is a not necessary, and fluoride is a big no-no for children under the age of two. Most importantly is to make a dentist appointment for your child sometime in the first year so the dentist can spot any problems early on!